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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23067379">The Unlovables</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexthewack/pseuds/Alexthewack'>Alexthewack</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>80s AU, AU, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops &amp; Cafés, BIG slow burn, Empath, Empaths, F/M, Force Bond, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Not Related, Kylo has issues with his parents, Kylo is 22, Rey is 18, Reylo - Freeform, Slow Burn, Teacher-Student Relationship, alternate universe- 80s, but eventually some smut here and there, coffee shop AU, empathic abilities, kylo and Rey slowly but surely fall in love, kylo is trying to find more out about it, lots of fluff, palpatine didn’t actually frick anyone, rey has issues with her foster dad, since the force is universal, so checkmate gate keepers, they technically never were, unkar has a drug business on the side, well i mean</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 08:14:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>33,400</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23067379</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexthewack/pseuds/Alexthewack</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Suppose Rey and Ben were born in the late 1900s, they both have no clue of what the force is yet, and they’ve always felt different from everyone else. </p><p>When the two cross paths in the late 80s, Rey feels an immediate connection to her AP biology teacher, Ben. What they discover is a mix of unimaginable power, fear, and a bit of love.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Finn/Rose Tico, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey &amp; Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. My Pathetically Unlovable Life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Woooo hooo I finally got the motivation to write this. AND I planned out all the chapters. Tell me what you guys think of it😊</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Rey</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>There’s a feeling that exists, a chemical reaction that takes place in the brain, that’s completely unexplainable. Its something that happens in each and every human and exists only to give meaning to a life. It has many forms and can control the activities that a person does or the thoughts a person thinks. An emotion so powerful, it has the ability to form obsessions, to cause unbelievable admirations, and even create persuasions to kill for. Sometimes, you can almost see it in colors, or hear the song it plays- the distorted yet satisfying and craving song. Like a drug, it hooks people, draws them in, tortures them, slowly kills them, and yet humans still crave for it, just to give meaning- just to have something to live for. Such a disastrous emotion, more powerful than any devotion to any entity or religion, and it’s the basis for all life, the basis for all of society for the entirety of eternity.</p>
<p>Love. Love is what makes humans the pathetic yet unique characters they are.</p>
<p>However, this is a fascination I know almost nothing of. I’ve only ever seen glimpses of love limited times, most of them being while looking at the devotions of others to another person. I suppose you can call it a talent I have, being able to see the love and admiration of others, which is a most unlikely trait of mine, considering I have no experience of the sort. Yet, I see just how much power other people have when I look into their eyes. I can see something I can’t even explain. It’s not like looking into a mirror or seeing my reflection, it’s the opposite, I see their reflection. I see what they see and what they feel. Its very weird, even to me, but it’s almost like I can’t form an opinion on them, when the opinion is already set by themselves. Sometimes it’s heart breaking, to feel the love they feel, and sometimes it can be breathtaking, to see the happiness flare and roar like a forever burning fire inside there heart when they see their special person the love so dearly. I crave their life sometimes, but, I am unable to bring myself to the conclusion that I want to be loved. Or that I am capable of loving someone else. I see the power and flood of emotions that come crashing in when I pear into the eyes of someone. The energy that surrounds the person and their thoughts is something that scares me. I don’t think I was ever meant to love anyone. I think that my mind is more of that of a receiver than a producer. It makes me unhappy that I was given this life, but it fully explains why my life course of events has been filled with nothing but the opposite of love. Hate and abandonment. I’ve learned to except this conclusion over the years, keeping my thoughts and projections to myself, being careful of what relationships I form with people. In my life, I still managed to make friends, and laugh, and be happy, but I know that it never feels real. Like it’s always someone else I’m feeling. These feelings I’ve learned to quell, but I suppose I will never fully be content with my life. Maybe, one day, when things settle down and I’ve graduated, I’ll put myself out of my misery. Suicide is not a craving of mine, but I’ve seen it as my only and definite future for many years now. The sound of the word makes it feel like a terrible thing, but I guess it’s always been just another life decision for me.</p>
<p>But not one I’m ready to make right now.</p>
<p>As I inhale my last breath of minty smoke, I remove the used cigarette from my lips and press it to the cold railing of the handicap entrance of my school, watching the once red and flaring end disintegrate against the cold metal surface.</p>
<p>Second semester. The last semester of my high school days. I’m 18 now, and I’m set to graduate in a few months.</p>
<p>As I watch the faces of children my age walk from the parking lot into the school, it tells me I should probably be nervous or sad that my days here are almost over, seeing their happy yet sad for the inevitable future faces, yet I feel the same as I did on my first day of freshman year. I feel absolutely nothing.</p>
<p>As my body frame is leaned against the railing and wall of the front of my school, my eyes dart to several different people. A couple; the girl is slightly shorter than the boy, and he gives her a kiss as they part ways. They don’t radiate the love you see when they kiss. I can see the secrecy the two have, both feeling love, but not for each other. A relationship filled with affair. I lay my eyes upon an outcast with an overgrown head of messy hair; she walks with a quick pace, all dressed in black with the exception of brown socks and a jean jacket with a torn sleeve. She didn’t radiate as much emotion as the others did, although, I felt her obsessions and fetishes from a mile away. Not really my place to judge do I look away. Two teachers walk past me, walking close to each other to forget the cold and stiff winter air surrounding them. They both have significant others in their life, ones they’ve been with for a while. There love isn’t as powerful, but it’s the most memorable type.</p>
<p>I raise my arm and pull back my oversized jean jacket sleeve to reveal the watch around my wrist. I wipe away the fog across the chilly glass surface.</p>
<p>7:56</p>
<p>I leaned over to pick up my faded greenish grey backpack, and slung across my back, causing me to take a step back from the force and pull my shoelace undone. I squat down to retie the raggedy shoe lace of my aged converses. I glance over my old shoes and I’m reminded of when I saved up enough to by it. Doing chores as a foster kid for a foster parent who doesn’t love you can be tedious and almost never pays off. But it did that one time back in 8th grade. I smile and bring myself out of my tangent.</p>
<p>Once I open the doors of my school, I’m hit with a gush of half warm air that smells of stale dust and chlorine. A smell I’ve become to familiar with in this small town of mine.</p>
<p>I live in a quiet town on the east coast. Things never get loud here, and nothing happens. That’s what you get when you live in an old folks town.</p>
<p>As I make my way down the warm halls, I stay close to the walls and walk extra slow past the radiators. I reach my hand into my pocket and pull out a crumpled piece of paper. My hands go to work straightening it out and I read the room number of my first block class.</p>
<p>AP bio. Fun.</p>
<p>My eyes go to work looking at the signs on the white painted brick walls. I was looking for room B304.</p>
<p>I made my way to B wing, quickening my pace with each second.</p>
<p>298...300...302....</p>
<p>Ahh,</p>
<p>My mind was put at ease as my eyes leaned on room B304. I lifted my ar, to view my wrist watch again.</p>
<p>7:59, one minute to spare.</p>
<p>I walked towards the class room and opened the- surprisingly- closed door and was greeted with a cool breeze of air.</p>
<p>Who kept their classroom this cold in January?</p>
<p>My eyes lifted from the floor to the desks, studying my new classmates. They all seemed normal, no one looked particularly drained to me. Of course, there was my friends in the very back who started waving aggressively as soon as the door opened, but none of them radiated anything out of the ordinary. I was so caught up in reading the feelings of people I didn’t yet know, I accidentally spent a little too much time standing in the door frame staring.</p>
<p>I was startled by the poke of my back from someone behind me. I assumed it was another student trying to make it before the late bell, so I moved from my standing spot, quietly apologized and took an empty seat near my friends.</p>
<p>Just as I was about to a say “Hi” to Rose, my best friend of 4 years now, I was distracted by her face of sudden terror yet... flattered look? I turned my head to see what kind of object would prompt such a look on her face, and was greeted with the image of a tall, large man all dressed in black- but formal looking. He wore a black dress shirt and a slightly lighter shade of grey pants to match it. His out fit was tied together with a thick velvet coat and a black bag with a loose paper sticking out from it. The man had long hair that was slightly slicked back in the front, just enough to be tucked away from his eyes. The face of the man was a unique and delicate structure, somehow making flaws become his best traits. He was oddly pleasing to look at. I had taken my seat by now, but I believe everyone, including me, was paying more attention to our handsome new teacher. However, I wasn’t terribly interested in his looks at the moment, I was busy trying to read him. For some strange reason, I couldn’t pick up anything personal or emotional from him, I assumed it was because he wasn’t looking directly at me, so I only had the ability to analyze his outside features. He looked young, there was no aging marks on his face, so he maybe was around 24 or 5. His eyes were dark and concealed, and his posture suggested his polite manners but rarely ever showing true affection for others. That reminded me of myself in a way.</p>
<p>“Hello, and welcome to AP biology.”</p>
<p>His deep voice almost startled me, as it took my by unexpected surprise. He sat down, the slightly smaller chair than needed for his size squeaking a bit as he leaned back. He had taken off his coat and set it on the back of his chair, making a small cushion for the cold leather seat back.</p>
<p>“Today, we won’t actually be learning anything,” his face remained emotionless, but I could tell he expected people to sigh in relief and exaggerate praising him for it, in which they did, the jocks making there expressed feelings a bit too loud.</p>
<p>“Instead, we’ll play it like middle school for the day and get to know each other.” He lifted his head and looked at all of us, eyes dancing from person to person.</p>
<p>I wasn’t complaining, anything was better than looking at diagrams of the human body and studying how each bone played a role in helping each other bone.</p>
<p>“Any ideas?” He said, smiling politely.</p>
<p>A few hands went up, two or three shaking vigorously to be noticed.</p>
<p>“You, sports jacket” he said, pointing at the boy surrounded by girls.</p>
<p>“How bout’ we play two truths one lie,” he said smirking at the girl beside him and then glancing back at the professor. They probably were going to say something stupid during that game. My eyes lifted from the popular boy back to our professor, waiting for his reaction.</p>
<p>“Good idea...uh-“</p>
<p>“Poe Dameron”</p>
<p>“Yes, good idea, Dameron. How about you go first.” He said, picking up on his sarcastic tone of the suggestion.</p>
<p>The boy slowly stood up, purposely tripping over himself a bit to raise a few laughs from the class.</p>
<p>“Uh hey, my names Poe...so, I like food, I like to go fishing and,” I watched him dart his eyes around for a few seconds before landing on mine. I suddenly stopped smiling waiting for whatever funny lie he was about to tell when I picked up on the malevolent look in his eyes.</p>
<p>“...and I like Rey”</p>
<p>He emphasized those last words just enough to twist the knife in the stab wound he had made. My face suddenly became heated as I felt embarrassed by his joke.</p>
<p>“Haha eww you like the weird girl” I heard the girl beside him joke.</p>
<p>The class laughed a bit, and some of them took it even further by whispering to others- especially those around that Poe kid. I almost felt my anger come on, but was stopped in the process when Rose put her hand on my shoulder calming me down.</p>
<p>“Well, Dameron, obviously the last one was a lie” I felt even worse when I heard the words come out of our professors mouth but switched back when I greeted my professors face. “because a girl like Rey would obviously never date a lowlife jock like yourself.” He said smirking at the end, hands clasped together, resting under his chin in a relaxed stance. I accidentally let out a small snicker to that, and quickly covered my mouth after. The professor glanced at me for a split second, I almost didn’t notice it, and looked back to the pleasure of watching Poe feeling frustrated.</p>
<p>Poe, clearly heated from our teachers joke, retaliated by yelling for me to go. “I- well ok- then why doesn’t she go! Little freak” he said the last words under his breath, but I guess our professor caught and told him to “sit your ass down, Dameron”.</p>
<p>I awkwardly stood up, feeling my heart rate quicken due to the unusual attention.</p>
<p>“Uh, hi, the names Rey Johnson,” I swallowed spit as I tried to think of anything interesting to say. It was only harder with the professors gaze upon me and everyone else’s.</p>
<p>“...I like to practice martial arts,” that was truthful. I did take interest in fighting.</p>
<p>“My favorite color is yellow,” also truthful, I found it be the closest color to what love looks like.</p>
<p>“...and” c’mon, think of something that everyone likes to do. “I like to go to the mall with Rose”</p>
<p>I smiled back at Rose and almost felt bad for using that as a lie. It was true though, I didn’t like going to the mall with anyone but myself. If I ever go to the mall...</p>
<p>Rose gave me a half smile back, knowing full and well that we don’t ever really go anywhere but to my raggedy house.</p>
<p>“The last one.” I turned back to my professor.</p>
<p>That was unexpected.</p>
<p>“Heh, yep” I said awkwardly, sitting down- but I stopped half way.</p>
<p>“How’d you know” I said directing my curios gaze back, to him. I watched him intensely stare at me with no emotion, yet it felt like he had every emotion coursing through him while he came up with a response.</p>
<p>“You just, don’t look like the type to go out with friends like that”</p>
<p>His words weren’t meant to antagonize me, yet I still felt slightly hurt by them, do I really look that different from the others? It didn’t help either, with Poe and his numerous girl friends laughing at the words.</p>
<p>I must have accidentally let my thoughts slip and made a hurt face because he immediately corrected himself.</p>
<p>“No- Ms. Johnson, I mean- you look like an independent person.” He said, hands in the air, raised as if explaining something serious.</p>
<p>Not knowing how to respond, I nodded and sat down and stared at my desk blankly.</p>
<p>My other friend, Finn, raised his hand, Ive known Finn for two years now, we met back in Spanish 1 in 10th grade 1st semester. Fun class.</p>
<p>“What about you, uhh professor...”</p>
<p>“Professor Ren”</p>
<p>So that was his name. Professor Ren.</p>
<p>“Ok, well, let’s see here.” He lifted his elbows from the wooden desk top and leaned back into his chair, it comedically creaking as he leaned fully back, receiving a few snorts and giggles from students.</p>
<p>I stare at him, unable to look away for some strange reason. I still couldn’t get a reading from him, and I was beginning to feel frustrated because of it.</p>
<p>“Well, my real name is Ben, I have a wife, and I’m 22.”</p>
<p>The class fired up at that. Nobody really had a sure answer what was the lie, and eventually professor Ren had to quiet the class and pick specific people to guess.</p>
<p>“Ok, ok, you in the back, the one who asked me” he pointed back to Finn.</p>
<p>“Finn sir, and is it your name?”</p>
<p>“Ahh, no” he smiled and turned around to pick the girl in front of Poe.</p>
<p>“Well you’re obviously not 22”</p>
<p>“Ouch,” he faked being hurt. “I don’t look that old do I?”</p>
<p>We all laughed but we were all surprised by his age (and that he didn’t have a wife). Was he actually 22?</p>
<p>Before I could stop my mouth, I blurted out the question everyone was circulating around. I’m not normally that type of person. Weird.</p>
<p>“Are you actually 22?”</p>
<p>He turned his eyes to me and seemed to be slightly happy by it but quickly changed his emotion and answered the question truthfully.</p>
<p>“Yes. It may be surprising to you all because all of your other teachers are in there 50s, but I am not. I graduated high school at 16, I had a late birthday and I skipped a year. I’ve been teaching for a year and a half now.”</p>
<p>He was so young, and that wasn’t helping any girls forming crush situation in here. I personally wasn’t romantically attracted to him, although he was quite handsome, I was more intrigued by his differences, and the fact that I couldn’t read him. Strange.</p>
<p>He was still smiling at me, and quickly fixed his posture.</p>
<p>“Anyone else have any questions?”</p>
<p>No body raised their hands and before he could think of anything to say, the bell rang, almost startling me out of my trance of staring at him.</p>
<p>I ran a hand through my straight brown hair and straightened my jacket as I got up from my seat. I realized I was the last one behind, and quickly grabbed my book back to walk out.</p>
<p>“Ms. Johnson,” just as I was about to walk through the door, I turned back to face my professor standing over me.</p>
<p>“I just wanted to say that I didn’t actually mean what I said earlier, I don’t think I was clear enough on it.”</p>
<p>I, suddenly feeling quite intimidated, stuttered for a second in attempt to quell his worries.</p>
<p>“N-no I get it, it’s fine, I understand. What you said was true anyway, I really don’t like going anywhere with friends, I mean if I can even go there, like I’ve never been to the mall before-“ I shut myself up. Too far. Why did I have to get so nervous under the attention of others.</p>
<p>“Ms. Johns-“</p>
<p>Before he could finish, I started backwards slowly making my way back to A-wing for second block.</p>
<p>“Uhhm gotta go to next period, don’t wanna be late!” I said smiling awkwardly as I swiftly turned around.</p>
<p>I could feel his eyes on the back of my head as I walked away.</p>
<p>Aside from that awkward interaction, I really liked that class. And after the day ended, it ended up being my favorite class of the day. Something to look forward to. That was a good thing and something I didn’t think I needed in my life until now.</p>
<p>I smiled as I inhaled a breath of cigarette smoke and watched it dissolve into the air as I exhaled.</p>
<p>I better get to work before I’m late.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. My Pathetic Phone Call</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Woo boo baby numba 2. It took me 4 tries to write this chapter, and now I have 4 different versions of it saved. Splendid am I right🥰</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Ben</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p><br/>
No ones ever really truly unique. After a while, you start to notice the same similarities in different people. You see how almost everyone has the same mindset as everyone else, and although their personalities may differ, they aren’t that diverse. Every human fits into a certain category, a category that correlates with they’re personality. So, it’s true that humans are different in the way that there are different types of people, but there is no singular, completely unique person. If this singularly unique individual were to exist, they would have to defy one aspect of possible human behavior to do so, which is exactly impossible. And in conclusion to that, when it comes down to it, the bottom line is, the only thing that gives humans variation is their memories and experiences.</p>
<p>It’s quite easy to put people into categories without looking for anything in their actual personal life, but this normally results in failure for most because they just don’t know the person well enough to categorize yet. That’s my specialty, I know how to categorize people perfectly just by looking at them. But it’s more than that, it’s a much deeper feeling. It’s not their appearance that tells who they are, but rather themselves. People don’t realize it, but they project feelings so easily, even if they don’t say or do anything to act upon them, just the feeling itself I’m able to register.</p>
<p>I’ve had this “talent” for a while now, and a few years back, I tried therapy to find out what was different about me from the others. It was a dark time for me, my father had just recently died, and I needed anything I could get. So I chose the cheapest therapist clinic I could find. It was a terrible idea at the time, going to that run down building behind my previous town’s gas station, but the person I was seeing told me I was empathic. That was the only thing that ever helped me in the end, me finding out who I truly was meant to be, but the therapist I had told me to act upon what I feel from other people, try to project it back to them, and it ended up being the most traumatic time of my life. I was scared and alone, maybe one of the only times I felt shear raw emotion from myself, but I didn’t have anywhere to go. I would find the same thing- same people everywhere I went. I felt like the only person who knew anything or was aware, and it tore my family apart, just as it tore me apart. So I shut down, became emotionless, the only thing keeping me alive being the happiness of those who get to have a normal life, the involuntary happiness they have. I went on to get an undergraduate degree in science, and decided to go into the teaching field so I could continue living normal. Being in a building full of high schoolers gave me all the recourses I needed to live and be content with living. I feel basic reactions, like embarrassment, anger or resentment, but I haven’t been able to feel independent things such as happiness or sadness in over 10 years. Sometimes I convince myself that I was always meant to be in this position, that it was my destiny to be a watcher instead of a player in life. That I would take the phrase “your in the bench, son” to another level. Thankfully, I’ve learned that it’s something I can’t help, nor something thing I could ever act upon. And so I live my days out by teaching kids, and stealing their happiness to survive, to be fully content with myself without corrupting. I’m like a greedy viscous animal in that way, feeding off of others to survive, and it’s something I’m not proud of. But it’s not something I’d tell anyone ever again either. How can anyone truly empathize with an empath?</p>
<p>My hands were on my face now, resting in that one stressful position everyone does when their work load is to much. I didn’t have a lesson plan for this week, or any worksheets or materials to teach with. I had textbooks, but I know my kids are more than textbooks, and that that shit is just too boring. Playing middle school for the day was really just an excuse for my lazy ass not being able to be a teacher.</p>
<p>The clock silently and placidly ticked in the background, making some sort of irritating metronome in my mind. The radiators clicked loudly every now and then, distracting me from my work and the band kids were practicing on the field right next to the classroom, the muffled sound of trumpets and drums filling the room to a rhythmic beat.</p>
<p>I had to get out of here. I took the textbook I was trying to form a schedule (for at least tomorrow) from, and shoved it in my shitty black bag that was disintegrating more and more with each passing day. I shut my classroom door with a soft bang and started down the hallway towards the A wing parking lot.</p>
<p>My classes this semester with nothing too out of the ordinary. I’m never aloud to specifically form a favorite class in this school, but I always do, and most of the time it ends up being fourth block. But not this year. This year I liked first block the most. Which was relieving I didn’t have a loud class for first period. First block was a classic yet not so classic class. Everything seemed to fit together so perfectly, each category of human personality being displayed. The jock, the nerds, the cheerleaders, the basket cases, but then you had her and her friends. They just didn’t fit, it was like looking at a white wall with one giant red dot in the middle of it. It wasn't a bad thing, if anything it intrigues me, but it was just unusual. Ms. Rey Johnson was an interesting specimen I could not get a single reading from. It almost seemed as if she had blocked me from seeing anything from her, but she looked as open and vulnerable as the rest of them. It seemed for a second, that she didn’t have any emotion she had felt at all, ever.</p>
<p>Impossible.</p>
<p>The days were growing short, and it was already getting dim by the time I reached the parking lot. It was drizzling where I was, but in the distance, you could see the end of the cloud dissolve into an orangey- bluish mix of sky. I admired its beauty for a second, but snapped out of it when an unexpected gush of cold dry air slapped me in the face.</p>
<p>My hand jumped at the cold metal of my car, but I pulled back on the door handle anyway. I lifted my leg and body into the tiny seat of my shitty 1983 Toyota and turned the key until the car stopped stalling.</p>
<p>Normally I would go to the deli down about a mile back from the school, but I thought I’d try something different. As I drove away, my eyes jumped from old building to old building. Not a single new building had been built since the 50s. They weren’t all that old, only 30 years old, but living on the east cost of New Jersey, you’re bound to get some hurricanes every now and then. A few miles form my town, there was a bigger city, but I had never been there, just because I had no specific urge to gamble at all, so why would I go to a gambling city. It just wasn’t my thing. And that was okay. This small town had more than what it looked to have, it had some chain restaurants here and there, and then you had the home-cooked food restaurants- which was unique. But most importantly, I liked this town because of its silence and just the general feeling of it. (Everything was also very affordable but, besides the point.)</p>
<p>My eyes landed on a little old coffee shop building. You could still see the old sign lettering on the side of the building that clearly read “turbo tax”. Which was fairly surprising, considering that company just came out, but I guess it didn’t do well in this location. Nothing would. I decided it was probably best to give them all the business they could get so I pulled in and parked.</p>
<p>The sky had now faded into a pinkish mix when I got out of the car, and I wondered if I would be able to work in the dark. As I was opening the door, I was hit with someone running straight into me. We collapsed to the ground. A women, presumably a waitress that worked here, kneeled before me rubbing her forehead.</p>
<p>“Woah- you okay?”</p>
<p>I talked in a polite manner, and I expected an unknown face to state back at me, but the face that I saw was someone I was familiar with.</p>
<p>“Ms. Rey” I said, almost under my breath.</p>
<p>“Professor Ren!” She stumbled back wards in surprise. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you!”</p>
<p>“No it’s okay don’t worry about it” I gave her a reassuring smile to comfort her.</p>
<p>Her hands were a bit beat up from the rough concrete. She wiped them on her pink uniform and stood to her feet. I did the same.</p>
<p>“I didn’t expect to see you here,” she brushed a price of hair behind her ear. “I was just getting on my break.”</p>
<p>She stretched and cracked her knuckles before smiling back at me.</p>
<p>“You work here?”</p>
<p>“Yeah my foster guardian owns it” she reached in her front pocket and pulled back a cigarette box to light one.</p>
<p>That was an interesting choice of words for a parent.</p>
<p>I unconsciously walked towards her and leaned up against the brick side of the building, watching her smoke.</p>
<p>“You know that’s a bad habit right” I said smiling at her.</p>
<p>She turned her head around, parts of her 3 bun hairstyle flying loose in the sunset breeze. The pink sky reflected off her skin, adding more value than in regular light. She lowered her eyes at me, and smirked.</p>
<p>“You want one?” She said, holding up the small package.</p>
<p>“Sure.” I had never smoked before, maybe it wouldn’t hurt once to try it.</p>
<p>“Don’t breath it in too fast,” she said while sticking a cigarette in my mouth (to my slight surprise) “or you’ll choke yourself.” She finished and lit the cigarette.</p>
<p>I slowly inhaled, feeling the cold burn down my throat. I actually didn’t cough, but it felt terrible.</p>
<p>She giggled as she saw the disgusted face I was making.</p>
<p>“yeah I don’t know why I’m addicted to this nasty shit either.” She took it out of her mouth and blew it towards me.</p>
<p>I closed my eyes and laughed with her.</p>
<p>Just as I saw her open her mouth to talk, the door beside us flung open. The metal handle hit the bricks with a loud clang and Ms. Rey and I both jumped at the noise. A short, fat, and saggy looking man hobbled out. He turned his head towards us and pointed at Ms. Rey.</p>
<p>“Girl, get your ass back inside and do the dishes, break’s up. And don’t think I didn’t catch you hanging out here with your boyfriend” he glared at me as Ms. Rey disappeared behind him.</p>
<p>He let out a grunt of displeasure and walked past me. My eyes followed him, one of my eye brows raised in disbelief, not only his rude manners but also how ugly he was as well. I saw him disappear behind the shop and I thought nothing of it as I followed Ms. Rey inside.</p>
<p>The coffee shop was warm, it had a modern look to it despite the vintage outside. The walls were a tinted orange and the tables and counter were a simple wooden complexion. The place was dimly lit, and it smelled of cinnamon and waffles. A few evening customers sat eating their food, hardly making any noise. Most of them stared out the window at the sunset, placidly drinking their coffees. I picked up that a lot of them seemed to miss something very much, as they stared with a painful longing at the burning sun. Most of them were old folk, two or 3 were moms with children, but their murmurs and small laughters blended with the peaceful atmosphere this place radiated. I took a seat down at a small booth. It was comfortable, and pleasingly surprising, warm to the touch. I felt my once tense body relax.</p>
<p>“Hey what can I get for ya?” A waitress, probably about Ms. Rey’s age stood before me. The only thing really recognizable was her eccentric pink hair.</p>
<p>“Uhm- a coffee please.” She left and told Ms. Rey begins the kitchen the order.</p>
<p>I closed my eyes for a second, letting the beauty of emotions soak me here. This place was dripping with nostalgia and beautiful memories that pulled me in like a magnet. But I would savor it. I pulled out my binder from my black bag and flipped it open to the half done lesson plan for the week. I couldn’t just teach my kids for half of he week and then stare at a damn wall for 3 days. I actually had to get to work. But I was interrupted.</p>
<p>“Here ya go! Oh- also, Rey back there, the one with the interesting hair do, she said it’s on her so don’t worry about it sweet heart.” The pink haired girl had returned, her thick northern accent voice chirping away.</p>
<p>As if this girl had room to talk about “interesting hair dos”. I simply thanked her and went back to work. I’d have to thank Ms. Rey later for it.</p>
<p>I let my hand take the lead, pen scratching and gliding across the paper in front of me, writing in a familiar cursive font about the certain topics of the “Cell Recap” unit we were required to do. I, personally, never liked teaching like this, I much more preferred projects and experiments that actually made you remember and understand. In the back of my mind, I hoped that my students wouldn’t immediately hate me after this boring week of teaching.i wouldn’t blame them either, I hate the entire school system, but I had to find a way to make it fun because there was no way around this one.</p>
<p>Before I knew it, my work was done. My hand cramped a bit as I set down my poor pin form it’s torcher. I leaned back in my seat, and noticed everyone was gone. My eyes glanced to the windows, and also noticed it was pitch black outside, yet, when I lifted my sleeve to view my watch, it was only 7:30.</p>
<p>I rested my head on my hand as I relished in the abnormally comfy environment. Before I knew it, I felt myself drifting off and forced my self to stay awake by watching Ms. Rey’s head run back and forth through the kitchen. Eventually, the last person left, and it was only me and Ms. Rey. And wherever Rey’s foster paren/ aka boss/ aka professional dickhead was.</p>
<p>One loud clank of a dish after the next and then a softer clank of a cup was all I heard for what felt like hours, but all I wanted to do was stay. And then the noise stopped. My eyes slowly peeled up and followed Ms. Rey to the edge of the counter, where she hung the apron she was wearing, revealing the plain, tight-fit, pink uniform dress. Although it didn’t look terrible, it must be very uncomfortable to wear everyday. I quickly packed my stuff up to go thank her for giving me a drink and having me here.</p>
<p>“Ms. Rey!” I called, diverting her attention from the cash register.</p>
<p>“Call me Rey, ‘Ms. Rey’ makes me feel like I’m a teacher or something.” She smiled and then fumbled over her words. “I-I mean, not that I have anything against being a teach-“</p>
<p>“I get it Rey.” I smiled.</p>
<p>The name almost sounded foreign coming out of my mouth. I couldn’t put my finger on why, I’ve definitely addressed students not by their last names or with a professional title in front of it, so I wasn’t sure why I felt so effected by Rey’s name. I shrugged it off and walked with her through the door.</p>
<p>“Where did uh... the, interesting looking man go. Your boss” I asked, holding the cold glass of the door for her.</p>
<p>“I’m not so sure myself. He disappears every afternoon at around the same time. I dint know where he goes.</p>
<p>She looked away from me, as if she was hiding something. I may not have been able to use empathic abilities with her at the time, but I most definitely had a basic understanding of human physiology. I changed the subject. It wasn’t my business.</p>
<p>“Thank you for the drink, you didn’t have to do that you know.”</p>
<p>“No problem. Oh and Professor Ren,” I turned my head from the concrete back to her “, your welcome to come back by the shop when ever you like, were always in need of business down here.</p>
<p>I nodded and we both said our fair wells.</p>
<p>My drive to my apartment was a short but peaceful one, as the shop had calmed me down and assuaged my stress. I had no worries or anxieties nipping away at the back of my mind begging for attention, and I expected to take a long and relaxing shower to go to bed, possibly getting in an extra hour or two of sleep. And these thoughts seemed to go according to plan until the screeching noise of the hallway phone tore up my ears as I started the shower water.</p>
<p>I, irritated, walked to the phone and picked it up.</p>
<p>“Hello?”</p>
<p>The response from the other side of the line completely disregarded every good thing that happened to me today.</p>
<p>“Ben...”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Did you know that there’s a chemical called PTC that half of the population can taste while the other half can’t? It’s a bitter tasting chemical, and people who taste it are more likely to dislike green vegetables because they find them extremely bitter due to their taste receptors being a different shape from those who can not register the taste. So if you ever want an excuse to not eat vegetables, here’s a free one😌</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. My Pathetic Home Life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Rey goes home. </p><p>Plutt’s an ass.</p><p>Rey goes to school. </p><p>Ben is feeling pretty shitty. </p><p>Rey wants to cheer him up and doodles on the side of her paper for him to find when he grades it.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Yeah this chapter is kinda ugly lookin. I think I might have some kind of writers block because everything I write looks like trash to me. But maybe that’s just because it’s the beginning chapters. I hope I get better as I get into the m e a t of the story yk?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>My footsteps echoed through the thick humid night as I made my way down the ghetto streets of my pathetic neighborhood. Actually, I would consider it more a trailer park than anything, but Plutt’s home was a tiny, rundown, and extremely over grown brick house in a crowded neighborhood of other pitiful houses just like it, so, a borderline trailer park. The inside of theses houses were no better, everything was always breaking, the floors occasionally broke, pipes busted, and the power cuts off (mostly due to the bill being paid late, but there are other technical difficulties among the rat infested walls of Plutt’s house). But, it’s all I have, and all I’ve ever had. </p><p>My fingers retracted the moment they curled around the frozen door knob of the front door. The tiny rain droplets that once rested peacefully on it were now frozen into a thin coat of ice around it. I disregarded the detail and tugged the door open. A wave of smoke and other drug scents filled my nose as I stepped inside to find Plutt’s lazy ass sprawled across the couch, completely passed out from whatever alcohol he had in his grip. The loud sound of football played from the living room that Plutt was in filled my ears, giving me a headache. I hung my umbrella up on the wall next to the door and made my way down the main hallway. </p><p> My room was a small tiny room, located at the very back of the house. For once, I’m very glad to be isolated from Plutt and his occasional friends infecting the house, but even I can’t block out all the shit I hear or see from the end of the hallway. Most of the old 50s wallpaper is peeling off the sides of the hallway walls and even my room has a few rough spots here and there, but I care enough to at least glue it back to the wall with a touch of Elmer's glue. Of course, there is only so much I can do for other problems such as the ceiling leaks. </p><p>I sat my book bag down on the floor beside my tiny twin bed. I didn’t have homework today, thankfully, so all I needed to worry about was taking a quick shower and getting some rest. It’s rare that I ever prioritize rest. </p><p>However, I always prioritize good hygiene. Especially living with Plutt. </p><p>The shower water wasn’t to warm as the tiny droplets rolled down my back, and the overall pressure was a little wonky, but I take what I can get. Sometimes I fear another pipe will burst as I’m taking a shower, and Plutt will storm in and beat the shit out of me. So I make my showers quick. </p><p>It’s always been like this. </p><p>I’m not an anxious person, I don’t have unnecessary anxieties because of a disorder, I’m a very cautious person, due to the fact that I was raised in disaster. I always fear the worst when I’m in normal situations because of what has happened in the past. Ordinary things like taking a shower can become worrisome for me, just because I’m afraid a pipe will burst or the water will cut off. Ordinary people of the pleasure of enjoying ordinary things. I do not. </p><p> I suppose I’ve always had to look out and raise my self in a way, just to survive. I stay quiet, small, and practically unnoticeable around Plutt and his friends. But this has been getting harder and harder to follow through with, considering some of the disgusting and perverted looks Plutt’s friends toss at me when they think I’m not looking. So I decide to stay in the almost peaceful comfort of my room. </p><p>I shivered at the tingling sensation of the cold air hitting my skin as I exited the shower. I’m glad this room has a shower all to it self. Ive been constantly working for as long as I can remember. I’ve forgotten most of my childhood because the memories of then are very similar to those that I make today; wake up, go to school, smoke, learn, get out of school, smoke, go to work, go to sleep, repeat. How sad. At least my schedule doesn’t look like Plutt’s, which consists of drug dealing, eating, counting money, and yelling at their foster child for no reason. I’ve held myself to the standard that no matter how bad of a person I may see myself as, I must always strive to be better than that slug lookin ass. </p><p>I do not care for Plutt. I don’t even like him. I’ve known him for my whole life, and I don’t have a single bone in my body that wants to give a shit for him. However, granted, I am like this with most people I am “close” with, but that doesn’t mean I physically dislike them, I’m just incapable of finding the emotions to love and care for them. Plutt, I just hate Plutt. </p><p>Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I was in a different family. Would I have even developed this disability I have? </p><p>I struggled to yield myself from thinking more about the negative parts of my life. At least there was something to look forward to in my days. I probably just got my hopes up and I may have been overreacting a tad, but I think I made a friend with my AP biology teacher today. Nothing to out of the ordinary, but that’s one more person to add to the list of people I feel something- even if it’s just a bit of kindness- for. But there’s something else about Professor Ren that really intrigued me. I can’t read him at all, nothing. Nothing firm the inside, hardly anything form the outside. I don’t even sense a human presence when he stands in front of me, it’s like staring at a blank wall. </p><p>What gets me even more, is that I can’t find a reason more my difficulties. Normally Ali can troubleshoot easily, if I even have to, but with him, it’s like trying to read a book that doesn’t exist. I’ve come up with the conclusion that if I get closer to Professor Ren I will be able to see him better. </p><p>I roll over in my tiny bed to get in a position for sleep. </p><p>“Not a bad class. Not bad at all” </p><p>My eyes slowly fluttered shut, as the dim, yellow tinted street lights that illuminated from my window became a blur of colors. </p><p>.<br/>.<br/>.<br/>.</p><p> </p><p>I was running a tad bit late today as I hurled my body around the twists and turns of the never ending high school hallways. It was still dark outside, day light savings time not quite here yet, and it gave me an uneasy feeling that it was still night, causing me to be very drowsy. </p><p>I stumbled in Professor Rens class, and almost tripped on the unnecessary bottom part of the door frame if it weren’t for my quick reflexes as a waitress. I stood up straight and silently hustled to my seat, slight heat arising to my cheeks as Poe and his group of girls snickered at my sudden mistake. </p><p>I waved to Finn and Rose. They are what have made my days for the past 4 years, and I believe they are the reason I’ve gained better control over myself and disastrous abilities over my high school years, having the ability to calm me down because I care for them as much as I can. But I have not always been the “center of attention” with these two. They are quiet involved with each other by them selves. A smile settles on my face as I watch rose lean back to face Finn to tell him a joke, and my teeth almost show when both laugh. They make me feel content and normal when I’m around other people. I don’t know what I would do with out them.</p><p>I wasn’t quite sure what I was really expecting when Professor Ren walked in the room, but it was definitely along the lines of somewhat happy or normal, as he had seemed fine the day before. Professor Ren looked absolutely beat, completely burned out. His once slicked back black hair now rested rustled in his eyes and face, giving him the look of a child’s bed head. He still had a suit on, but the wrinkled edges didn’t quite give off the same “I’ll beat the shit out of you” teacher vibe. He kinda looked like a crack addict. </p><p>And it appears I wasn’t the only one with a lean eye for details, as Rose and Finn has sympathetic looks plastered on their faces and even Poe let out a “Damn teach, you look like shit,”. </p><p>Professor Ren simply put his brief case bag thing on the chair beside his desk that served no purpose but to hold that bag. He stretched his arms back, revealing the muscles of his arms beneath the thin cotton, and sighed. I would have blushed, if I wasn’t so intensely studying his facial expressions for any readings I could get. Well, that, and I was worried about him as well.</p><p>“Well we won’t be doing anything hard today, if that’s what you all are staring at me so intensely for.” He opened his puffy red eyes.</p><p>I could sense the sarcasm in his voice, but joking didn’t change his exhausted features. </p><p>“I did make a lesson plan for today, but I do not have the will nor the energy to teach you all about a 9th grade lesson you should already know. So, you guys will just be working on this for today.” </p><p>He rubs his face and holds up a couple of worksheets. </p><p>A few grunts arise from the class. </p><p>Professor Ren lifted his head and scanned over us as if looking for someone in particular. His eyes landed on mine and I watched him straighten up a bit. </p><p>“Ms. Rey, please pass these out.” I hastily shuffled to his desk to retrieve the papers and disperse them across the room. So much for calling me Rey, but I suppose we are in a more professional setting. </p><p>I quietly said “thank you” and did my job. </p><p>The worksheet wasn’t terribly hard, but that just might have been myself considering the other side of the room where Dameron sat was grunting and huffing away like children when the get in trouble. I was one of the first ones finished, and when I lifted my head to see if there were any others, my gaze was trapped in Professor Rens. He wasn’t really looking with any intent of any sort, but he was definitely studying me, and I was mirroring him unconsciously. I noticed his dark circles on his eyes began to droop and his face was slanted due to it resting on his hand. He really did look beat, I wonder what happened? </p><p>I decided to scrap my studies of Professor Ren to pick up my pencil. I started doodling on the side of my paper. I wasn’t sure why, but maybe I could cheer him up by drawing a little something for him to find later when he grades them. Wasn’t the brightest or outgoing idea, but before I knew it I had a little figure, dancing away, on the side of my paper saying “cheer up!”. </p><p>I almost cringed at my terrible drawing skills, but I do everything I can to help my friends when they feel down, just so they don’t end up projecting their sadness upon me. It’s almost selfish in a way, but it’s a good deed right? </p><p>But I couldn’t sense Professor Ren, so why did I do this? That’s a question not even I can answer yet. </p><p>I quietly set my pencil down and rested my head on my forearms to look out the window. It was still raining again, which means business would be down again today, which means Plutt will be pissed. At least the customers were nice to me. Their kindness made me calm. </p><p>“Shit” </p><p>I lifted my head, eyebrows raised, and Professor Ren’s face mirrored mine. Poe said his curses a little to loud this time as he stared at his blank paper. </p><p>“Do you have a problem Dameron?” Professor Ren was now leaned towards in his desk, looking at Poe with a “are you shitting me” face. </p><p>“Hey teach, it’s been a whole year since I remember doing this stuff, don’t you think it’s a tad bit unfa-“ </p><p>“Nope. If you have a problem with it, you can look in your textbook or ask one of your class mates. That’s like simple division for AP biology kid, simple.” Professor Ren leaned back in his seat and I accidentally let out a small giggle. </p><p>Both Poe and Professor Ren looked back at me. </p><p>“Ok weirdo, why don’t you help me?” Poe sneered at me. </p><p>I stared back at him for a few seconds, possibly waiting for Professor Ren to say no, but nothing happened. I got up from my seat an squared down beside Poe’s desks </p><p>He actually had nothing written down. </p><p>“Yeah so, that first part right here” I pointed my finger to the question right under his poorly written name. “is basically just labeling the parts of the cell. You know, like, the outer wall of a cell is called the cell wall? Real easy shit.” When I looked back at Poe, his face was red and the while class seemed to be snickering a bit. I even heard a few sounds from Professor Ren, and when I turned around to face him, he was genuinely smiling for the first time today. </p><p>“Thanks...” Poe looked away and I raised my eyebrows. </p><p>Well he wanted help, so I gave it to him. </p><p>I walked back to my seat, but before I could settle back down, the bell rang and we all hustled out of the room. </p><p>We dropped out papers off on Professor Ren’s desk and I flashed him a small smile as I put my paper upside down for him to find the doodle later. I’d be too embarrassed to think if he saw it now. </p><p>I found my self yearning to see his reaction, although I wasn’t sure why.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. My Pathetic Doodles</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hola</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Ben</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p><br/>
The faint sound of water splashed in the distant room from where I stood. My eyes were placidly resting shut, only to quell my angers and irritations of interruption. One phone call from my mother was all it took to interpose me from my desired relaxation. Steady breaths entered and exited my lungs as an attempt to subside my rage and speak with a more formal and cold matter to my mother.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Leia.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A moment of silence dispersed through the line.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ben, I want you to come home...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her voice was fragile and held no authority or power over me. It was the voice of an elderly, weak, and dense minded woman.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“We only live a few miles apart. That’s more than enough for me.” I tried to cover my retorts as emotionless responses, but anyone could see the aggravation building within me.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Her intentions were very prominent to me. Reading her was reading a book from kindergarten. My mother had just come home from one of her fancy reunions with all her rich friends; she started out with a calming glass of wine, but then two, three, and then the whole bottle. Now she stands, tears leaping from her glassy eyes, with the phone shakily grasped within her hand, and she calls the only person she thinks about when her mind leaves her. Her son she so badly hurt.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>At least, this was how I saw her. It’s how I always have seen her. A sad, old, rich widow who talks and laughs away during the day, and dwells in the memories of the past during the night.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know...” My mothers voice caught in her throat and she quickly cleared it. “You can come see me when ever you want... I can arrange for that you know.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I couldn’t see it, but it was as clear as day that she smiled at end of her words, trying to convince herself everything was healed. But it was far from it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I-I can arrange for you to be here with me...”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>All of my attempts at calm interaction were trashed, thrown away, and burned. She was going to force me to be there with her. Either out of pity, or, my mother would find someway- anyway to interfere and pester with my life until I gave up into her pathetic longing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Leia, I don’t want to see you. I don’t even want to be near you. I guess you could say I’m not ready yet, but you made it very visible to me all those years ago that you never cared about me until dad died. He was the only one in our family to ever give two shits about me. I’m sure you realize your wrongdoings by now, and I’m glad. But somethings cannot be healed. Especially this. If you really want me to meet with you, I’m sure I can with stand you for an hour hour over dinner or something, but I strongly advice you, if you want to engage in normal conversation with me, you will not receive it.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I inhaled a long breath and exhaled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“February 14th.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Of course she wouldn’t care about what I said at all. She took the first opening and ran with it. How pathetic.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Good bye mother.”</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>I crashed the phone into its slot a little two hard against the wall. If I have ever felt a shred of emotion for anyone, it would be her. Every time the sound of Leia’s voice echoes through my mind, I have the straining urge to slam my head against a wall.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“February 14th, huh? What a wonderful date to look forward to.” My frustrations were uncanny and unfortunately, long lasting. All the thoughts that passed through my mind while I showered and began to rest were all the dreading thoughts of the upcoming future event. The once peaceful abyss of my mind was now overcrowded with negative forces, and it stayed that way all night, all morning, and all school day.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>There was an occasion where I did loosen my grip a bit during first period. But it was only temporary, and the satisfactory feeling of watching Dameron become embarrassed over his own stupidity soon faded away after a few minutes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The day had ended, and only the soft sound of winter rain, pattering against the window, remained in the empty classroom. Thankfully, I did not have to work on any plans for tomorrow, as I did not follow through with the ones for today. In a way, I had nothing to do, so I sat in my old chair, head lolled across my desk. But, I did have those classwork papers to grade.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Should I go to that coffee shop?” I muttered under my breath.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I found myself craving for the peaceful atmosphere of the tiny building. Dreamy thoughts of coming there everyday, greeting Rey as I normally would do, lying back and sipping on the usual; coffee with a tad of sugar and cinnamon, and watching the cars pass by. It was a tempting life, and I was sure I could achieve that future if I wanted too, but the thoughts were slightly weird.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I’ve never felt significantly attached to a place until now. And I had only gone there once. My real intentions were not clearly defined, even to myself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>But I was my own person, and I could go where ever I wanted. So I decided to forget my lazy excuses and drive to the shop.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I instantly felt released of my previous troubles as soon as I basked inthe warm breeze when I opened the front door of the tiny building. It was a minimalistic feeling, but it’s simple as gave me a feeling of contentment. My frustration was finally eased.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I waved to Rey’s luminescent and happy figure as I took a seat in the same seat I took up yesterday.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What can I get ya?” I lifted my head to view the same pink haired girl from yesterday.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh hey! You’re that guy from yesterday! Rey’s boyfriend right?” Her smile was almost too big, all of her gums visible at once.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Actually, I’m her professor, and I’ll have a coffee with creamer, sugar, and cinnamon.” I simply smiled blandly and looked down at the menu.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, Professor huh. That’s gotta be one hell of a relationship.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I raised my head and eye brow to her reply, slightly confused by her words.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Uh, yeah I’ll just go... and put this order in for ya...” she awkwardly left and I was immediately grateful she did.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I did not dislike her, I just didn’t see her as a real person. She just seemed to be more of a flat character to me. Kind of like Dameron in away. I default to only seeing them as a background character although I’m aware they are independent beings with consciences and families.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I pulled out my classes papers and a pen.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Most of the grades were prosperous in the aspects of cell knowledge, however, there were a few that stood out amount others. Especially Dameron’s. But as I lifted his paper from grading, a new category of significance was formed as I was greeted with the pencil scratches and doodles of Rey. I gazed at her small doodle, and then it dawned upon me that it was meant for me.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The neatly written words “Cheer Up!” Echoed through my mind as Rey’s voice. A happy grin glued it self upon my face as I absorbed the small animated figure dancing around besides the words. No one had ever given me this kind of simple consideration before, and it was causing me to feel something deep down that was foreign. Unnoticeable at first, but I felt something of my own- my true emotions flared silently within me for a split second.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I had to thank Rey for her kindness. I couldn’t just forget about something so significant, especially since she put time and effort into it in an attempt to make me feel better.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Oh, that was another thing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She noticed I felt terrible.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Well, it wasn’t that hidden when I dressed like shit and walked in looking like a broom, but she was the only one that seemed to take any action from it. How considerate of her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As I continued to stare at the doodle, I was reminded of the event from earlier today. It was very funny to see how sarcastic Rey could be without even realizing it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I would have to thank her for her kindness.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Once I finished grading the diverse papers, I set them aside to wait for Rey’s break. There wasn’t much to do in this place, I suppose it was meant to be like that; to keep ordering coffee to assuage your boredom, but it worked. There was a small TV on top of the counter, but it only played news channels. I was never a fan of watching the weather man to pass my free time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The pink stained sky was now illuminating through the windows of the building, reflecting off of the empty seats and tables. Everything was comfortably calm, and the only life that now existed was me, the pink server girl, and Rey. I probably looked like a weird old man, preying on a young server girl. I face palmed myself as I started to regret my decision of staying late to thank her. But my anxieties were forgotten when Rey bursted through the kitchen doors, angrily walked over to the coat hanger, grabbed her cigarettes and jerked the door open with one mighty pull. Frightening.</p>
<p>I arose from my seat, grabbed my coat, and ran after her. Her paper was untidily tucked away in my front pocket. I opened the door to find Rey leaned against the wall, pretending as if the world didn’t exist. I still couldn’t sense anything from her, so there was no use in trying to lurk in the shadows and understand her from there. I actually had to socialize. Not one of my strong suits, but I did it yesterday so I can do it again.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Uh, are you okay? You seemed pretty mad in there...” I slowly and awkwardly made my way to her.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Huh? Oh, um, yeah, I’m okay. I just-“ She brought her hand up to rub her forehead in frustration. “It’s been a hard day.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I decided it was not a good idea to immediately thank her for her kindness and leave. I had to show her some compassion, even if I didn’t know how to.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you mind me asking what’s wrong?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey was looking down now, eyes tracing the randomly dispersed cracks among the old concrete sidewalk.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“One of the servers is quitting in two weeks. It’s mandatory for servers to notify the boss if they are going to quit two weeks before they do. It gives us time to find another server to take their place. Unfortunately, she was the only other server that worked besides me. So I am the only one left. Plutt doesn’t really care about hiring more people. In fact, he really only wants a limited amount cus of pay and stuff like that. And lucky for him, now that I’m the only one left, he doesn’t have to pay anyone. He keeps all the profit.” Rey half smiled at the end of her words.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You mean- you mean he doesn’t pay you?” I asked, almost shocked from his cruelty.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Nope. My profit is from tips. But it’s like that for most servers actually.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I know that, but, no one comes here, so how do you know if your even going to get a tip?” I meant my words as empathetic as I could, but ironic enough, they came off more antagonistic then anything.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Thankfully, she understood me, but that was the least of my concerns. I wasn’t sure what to say. And even if I could see her intentions, it wouldn’t do anything for a situation like this.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was strange. I felt... infuriated by her luck. But I could not act upon it. Well, not directly at least.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hey um, Rey... I was grading your paper earlier and I couldn’t help but notice,” I paused, hoping she’d catch on.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, yeah, I tried to draw you something cus you looked like shit today” she instantly covered her mouth in embarrassment, I started to smile. “I mean- I meant you looked really tired and sad so I wanted to make you feel better,”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Rey, it’s okay, I get it.” I lifted my hand up to touch her shoulder, but rested it right before it. I didn’t want to come of as the touchy type.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Thanks, Professor Ren.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, I should be the one thanking you, you drew that little drawing for me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Our eyes met, a cross of dark chocolate and hazelnut clashed together as we looked at each other. I watched the corners of her mouth twitch a little, as if almost smiling, but I could tell she didn’t like doing that much. Neither did I, but here I was, grinning at her with greatness.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“One thing, Professor” she had her hand raised, pointing to nothing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why are you called Professor Ren when your real name doesn’t even have the word ‘Ren’ in it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Another thing she caught me off guard with. She had a keen eye for detail.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh well I guess it’s like a stage name.” My shitty attempt at a joke turned into a dry response. Good going Ben.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I guess, but, don’t people have stage names to protect their real names? Everyone knows yours. Well, if they haven’t forgot from yesterday yet.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>She caught me like a dear in headlights. I knew perfectly well and why I didn’t like using my birth name, as it reminded me to much of my father and my past. It wasn’t something that made me want to yank my hair out, but it wasn’t something I liked hearing every day. I called my self Ben, but it was different. It held no meaning when I said it, and even though others would mean nothing by it either, hearing it from another mouth defaulted me to think of it as some sort of derogatory term.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I just don’t like my real name.” I looked away from her and to the dimly lit street.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh ok.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The long awaited and beloved awkward silence settled in, causing us both to shift uncomfortably. However, any future interactions were temporarily postponed when Plutt bursted through the shop door, it’s bell singing away at the fat mans exit.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Breaks up. Those tables need cleaning. Especially after those fucking toddlers ate there”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So he want a big fan of children, I could tell.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I watched Plutt hobble down the side of the building to turn its corner once again. What a useless concept of a boss. This was nothing more than a contemptuous, malevolent, fat man. If he even was a man, he looked more like an alien then anything. For once I felt hatred for the man. I was learning new feelings everyday with Rey.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well, anyway, thanks for the um... drawing.” I forced a small laugh.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No problem.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Rey’s voice was dry and burned out. She looked tired, one of her three buns almost falling apart. I wanted to say something more but I simply just waved a small good bye and went back inside to the warm aroma to grab my things. As I neatly filed my stuff away, I thought of how she hardly makes anything working this job, so I pulled out my dangerously thin wallet and rummaged for a 5 I might of had in there. Thankfully, I found one, and I set it neatly beside my empty coffee cup. I also made sure to leave a note that it was for Rey and not the link haired girl. I didn’t know her reasons for quitting, but her intentions told me she never cared about the job in the first place. It was sad, that I could see that. It was sad, that I could figure out the problem if other people just by looking into their eyes and the opposing person’s eyes. But it was slightly different with Rey. All I had to go off of was my inferences about her affairs by looking at those around her. This was easy, since she had already told me her worries and the pink haired girl was easy to read, but Rey’s internal problems were untouchable. And it bothered me. For once, I was upset that I could not help her, or direct her into doing the right things. I couldn’t persuade her into opting out of the current foster parent she had and finding another one, but that is way above me. 

That was way out of my place.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I left the place, almost scolding myself for craving such abnormal things. I didn’t want to control her mind. What was I thinking?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As I stepped into my car, I watched Rey finish her cigarette, look down at it, and scrunch up her face as if she to make a “this shits nasty” face. I chuckled a bit and shook my head. She was something else. That was for sure. My eyes traced her figure as she walked back into the building, grabbing a broom. Not only was she going to be the only one there in a few days, but she was going to have to clean up this place all by her self, besides where ever Plutt was, in the cold lonely night. For a moment, I felt a drop of something new. Something almost...inspiring- that was the only word to describe it. But it wasn’t a good inspiring, it was a cold, almost frightening inspiring. Was this... sadness?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No,</p>
<p> </p>
<p>No it couldn’t be.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I left the parking lot with a numb face and an emotionless state. I only looked the road and the cars around me. Back to my natural habitat.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. My Pathetic Wounds</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Rey is all over the place today. She’s questioning her Professors intentions left and right. All she wants  to do is protect her self, but she’s having an awful hard time trying to keep her self in place when Professor Ren is around. She can’t read him or understand the things he does at all, and it’s driving her mad. Not to mention, she’s having a hard time at work because her coworker Sherry quit. Tough times.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This do be my longest chapter doe. A full 3579 words my dudes. </p><p>At least I’m havin fun writing it yk?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Rey</strong><br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
My observations were correct about my coworker, Sherry. She did indeed desire to quit the job, and so she did. I could tell she felt nothing for her duties as cashier and optional waitress, but I didn’t think she’d quit so soon. I knew Sherry was working to save up for college, but it was my understanding that her college didn’t start until August of this year, not February. Maybe she had other reasons, because I didn’t feel any sort of hatred from her while we worked together.</p><p> </p><p>My life was about to get a whole lot harder, soon enough, I would be the only one working at the shop. I would be doing all of the serving, cooking, and cleaning. There would be absolutely zero time for breaks or homework. And it would all be because of Sherry quitting, and Plutt being one lazy, greedy, son of a bitch. Plutt hardly ever stayed in the shop, most of the time he was out back, dealing drugs. Unfortunately, the only reason the coffee shop exists was because it was right next to the biggest drug ghetto in the town. His business in the back flourished with money and white powder while my job as a waitress in a small shop wasn’t so auspicious. I had only gone back there once or twice, most of them ended up badly, either in Plutt yelling at me for hours after words or I would almost get dragged into a deal to sell drugs as a prostitute. So I decided it was best to stay away from his affairs.</p><p> </p><p>The last two weeks that Sherry worked was a blur of blandness. Nothing happened except the usual. My work load became heavier and heavier each day as Sherry began to slack off from her duties, eager to finally leave this place. I did what I was supposed to do, as fast as I could and yet I still finished at around 9 everyday. It made me wonder how long it would take me if I just worked normally. But I couldn’t afford that. There were occasions when I would smile. As Professor Ren became a regular customer and returned each day to grade his papers, he would wave to me if I was around or visible, and I would smile and wave back. I thought nothing of it, but it was nice to look up from washing dishes every now and then. I had stopped taking breaks, I couldn’t afford to after Sherry quit. I was happy that the shop wasn’t ever crowded, but even then, it was still difficult to balance out washing dishes, taking orders, and ringing up people at the cash register. Whenever Plutt would enter the shop’s doors, he’d complain about how I’m slacking off and how my whole young generation is a disappointment to society or some shit like that. It began to piss me off, how much I was doing and how little I was getting out of it. I felt like shit most of the day and the only time I might have laughed or smiled would have been in Professor Ren’s class. Funny how he became my only source of relief during the day. My first period professor.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The clock read 4:39. It was January 28th in good old 1987, and I was spending my afternoon with my hand glued to dishes, scrubbing them extra hard because the dishwasher broke. I was pretty pissed I had to fix it later. About a week has passed since Sherry left, and although my nights have become restless and my days overwhelming, my mind and body seem to be doing ok from it. However, it didn’t change the fact that I felt 10 times worse then I did at the start of the year. Only 28 days have passed this year and all that’s changed about me is the darkening color under my eyes.</p><p> </p><p>My homework loads haven’t been to much, mostly just a bunch of useless ass textbook reading, but other then that, there hasn’t been much written work. The only class that really kept me up at night was Professor Hux’s class. He’s been really pissed me off with those random essays we have to do at home. But when did teachers ever give a fuck about kids home life’s. Maybe that’ll change in the future, but for now I’m stuck with my wonderful not-stressful-at-all life.</p><p>There’s been a few good outcomes from this sudden shift in work though. I dropped smoking somewhere along the way. I just didn't have time to smoke. Plus those things are supposed to give you cancer right? I don’t know, I think I read it in a news paper somewhere. I also had lost a few pounds, and I can wear what I want pretty comfortably now. However, I was a bit fearful I would loose a little to much, so I tried to safely eat, when I could eat. But some things couldn’t be helped in a situation like this. Sometimes, I just have to except that my needs will never be fulfilled.</p><p> </p><p>I was so caught up in my helpless frustrations I didn’t realize I was gripping the dish that I was washing a little too hard.</p><p> </p><p>An abrupt sharp pain struck my hand as a flash of red bursted from it. I was pulled out of my trance and my heart rate quickened as I looked down at the gushing blood. One of the dishes bursted in my hand. A piece of glass was stuck in my hand, forcing tears from my eyes to fall on it. I hastily shoved the faucet handle backwards and ran to the out dated med-kit from the 60s that hung up in the kitchen wall.</p><p> </p><p>“Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit,” I muttered under my breath. I wasn’t bawling my eyes out, I didn’t have the time to do that, but I couldn’t prevent tears from falling once the Adrenalin wore off.</p><p> </p><p>I was struggling to open the med kit with one hand and my fears were only strengthened as Plutt acted as a catalyst for it when he bursted through the restaurant door.</p><p> </p><p>What the fuck was he doing back in here? He never comes back in here. Just my fucking luck.</p><p> </p><p>“Why the hell aren’t you washing the damn dishes <em>girl</em>?” Plutt raged as he saw me gripping my hand to stop its shaking.</p><p> </p><p>“I-I-I was just, I had to stop because-“</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t care what your stupid reasons are!” Plutt glances down at my hand but looked ferociously back up at me. He didn’t give a shit. All he wanted was money. And if I was unable to get it, he would be pissed.</p><p> </p><p>I may be emotionless, but there is one thing that I fear. I never really knew how involved Plutt was in the drug business, when I found out, my whole outlook on life was changed. It was one of the main causes of my condition for my abnormal sight. It was hard to except the fact that the drug business was the business that controlled the world, and even harder when your foster guardian is one of the main players in the game. He may look like an average guy, but he owns factories everywhere and drug deals across countries. This coffee shop is just apart of his front image to prevent getting noticed. It’s a brilliant plan, and Plutt is smarter than the average bear, but it’s terrifying. It’s terrifying I know that. Not only because of my innocence that was taken away from it, but also knowing that I could be killed at any given moment. No matter how far I run, no matter where I run to, Plutt has hitmen everywhere.</p><p> </p><p>So I’m stuck in this miserable life. I can’t leave it because he won’t let me. He won’t let me because I know the real him.</p><p> </p><p>I would threaten to expose him. But I’d be dead the moment I open my mouth. So I stay the perfect foster “daughter” he wants for his frontal image.</p><p> </p><p>I finally managed to open the med-kit, and my hand was now scrambling and rummaging through the scattered items to find the bandage rap.</p><p> </p><p>“I want you back at that sink right now!” Plutt’s voice wasn’t raised to high, but high enough to strike fear with in me. High enough for me to break into a sweat.</p><p> </p><p>“Just, give me a sec ok?” I said, timidly.</p><p> </p><p>“There are no seconds, <em>girl</em>, you are the only worker here!” That time, his voice was louder.</p><p> </p><p>I was afraid the customers and Professor Ren would here it.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you want me to go out there with blood all over my hands? Huh Plutt? Because I don’t think that’ll look good for your front image now, will it?” My breaking point cane to soon as I allowed my anger to play my vocal chords.</p><p> </p><p>“Shut the fuck up!”</p><p> </p><p>That was definitely loud enough for them to here.</p><p> </p><p>“Threaten me again <em>girl</em>,” he stepped forward, towering over me. “And I’ll kill you.”</p><p> </p><p>Shivers ran down my spine. But I was not giving up here.</p><p> </p><p>Oh no, he couldn’t kill me in here if he tried. There’s to many people.</p><p> </p><p>“If your not going to let me have a break to handle my wounds then I can give myself the break. Let’s see how <em>you</em> like managing the cafe all by yourself. Plus, you couldn’t kill me right now if you wanted to, Plutt, there are to many people. You can’t threaten me. You can’t tell me anything here. For all I care, you can go fuck your self.” I felt powerful as I snatched the med-kit up and walked out the door.</p><p> </p><p>I was definitely going to get beat for that later. Unless he gets drunk. Maybe I’ll set some beer out on the counter for him to slurp up when he gets home. Maybe he’ll forget.</p><p> </p><p>As I walked into the cold crisp breeze, in the corner of my eye I saw Professor Ren get up from his seat to follow my tracks out here. I didn’t even realize that my hand was dripping blood.</p><p> </p><p>“God damn it. Shit.” Now he knew.</p><p> </p><p>I hastily hid my hand between my legs as I sat with my legs crossed. The door opened and a very concerned Professor Ren exited with a hand scratching his head.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you... I heard yelling and dishes breaking... are you ok?” He knew the answer to that question, but from the was his soft eyes peered into mine with familiar empathy, I couldn’t resist but answer him.</p><p> </p><p>He had that studying look on his face.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m...no, I’m not ok.” I looked down at the concrete. What was I doing pouring my thoughts into a normal human? They couldn’t handle it.</p><p> </p><p>Before I could stop myself, blood started to trickle from my hand and it flooded out from beneath my legs. His eyes immediately darted to the red liquid and his pupils shrunk into tiny dots as if he had seen a ghost.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey... your bleeding really badly”</p><p> </p><p>“Um yeah,” I raised my hand to my head and shut my eyes. “I’m a bit hurt. I came out here to fix it. I broke a dish while washing them and Plutt wouldn’t give me a break to fix it.”</p><p> </p><p>I was unaware I had lifted my injured hand enough for him to see it.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god Rey, you’ve got a piece of glass sticking out of it”</p><p> </p><p>Before I knew it, Professor Ren was already kneeling beside me, reaching for my hand. I didn’t know why I did it, but I let my hand slip into his soft embrace. His hands were warm as his eyes examined my injury. The pain was completely forgotten as I watched him stare at my hand, trying to figure out how to pull the piece of glass out.</p><p> </p><p>Oh right. I did have a piece of glass wedged in my hand. Maybe a little panic wouldn’t hurt.</p><p> </p><p>“You can uh, just pull it out. It won’t hurt as bad if you just do it fast” I said, resting my free hand on his arm for assurance.</p><p> </p><p>“I know, but it looks pretty deep.” His eyes clashed with mine.</p><p> </p><p>All I saw was the dark brown abyss. They were deep, almost alluring in a way, like they might suck you in and trap you at any given moment. I wish I could read them.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t have to do this, I can clean up on my own.” I said, twisting the corners of my mouth into a small smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, you should be in a hospital. This is the least I can do.”</p><p> </p><p>Professor Ren diverted his attention back down to my hand. I became calmer since his hands touched mine. Something about him made me feel... at peace.</p><p> </p><p>The tips of his fingers grazed the glass and I twitched, wincing in pain. It really did hurt.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you ok?” He said, immediately noticing my reaction.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, it was just unexpected.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want to hurt you, it’s gonna feel 10 times worse if I just yank it out...”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s ok, Professor, I’ll be alright, I just need it out.” I closed my eyes, embracing for pain.</p><p> </p><p>“You should be in a hospital, are you sure you don’t want me to drive you-“</p><p> </p><p>“Professor Ren. Pull it out.”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure Rey? This is gonna-“</p><p> </p><p>“Just do it!”</p><p> </p><p>Before I could meet his eyes, the glass was yanked from my skin, causing me to shout with pain. Tears fell from my eyes as I tensed up, bring my knees upward and my free hand to my face to wipe away the tears.</p><p> </p><p>“you talk to much.” I said, forcing a small laugh to subside the pain.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m so sorry Rey.” I heard the apologetic tone in his voice.</p><p> </p><p>I opened my eyes just enough to see his hand gently set the bloody piece of glass on the floor as his other caressed my hand.</p><p> </p><p>“...thank you, Professor Ren...” I shyly said, looking back at him.</p><p> </p><p>His face still held a stern expression, one that did not drop an ounce of weakness, but it had empathy and carefulness in it as well. How inspiring.</p><p> </p><p>“We need to disinfect and rap your hand. It’s gonna hurt a bit when I pour the alcohol on.”</p><p> </p><p>I watched him pull his hand from mine to unscrew the alcohol bottle. I felt a longing strike deep with in me when his hand left mine. How strange. I never felt that before. My attention was immediately focused on my hand as the cold liquid burned my skin and wound, but the pain was assuagedby Professor Ren’s hand rubbing it with a small cleansing wipe.</p><p> </p><p>It was almost embarrassing in a way. Professor Ren was treating my hand wound as I was balled up like a child on the concrete side walk. It made a blush arise from my cheeks. Everyone could see him and me.</p><p> </p><p>Thankfully, I could play off my red face as an effect of the tears that fell a few seconds ago.</p><p> </p><p>I watched Professor Ren unroll the bandage rap and bite it to rip it from the roll. He gently grasped my wrist to steady my hand and started to rotate the strand of rap around my hand. A warm feeling filled my stomach as my eyes traced his hands. This was the first time someone treated my wounds out of pure generosity. It was making me feel...</p><p> </p><p>happy?</p><p> </p><p>No,</p><p> </p><p>No, it couldn’t be that.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, it’s done” I had the struggling urge to grab his hands once they slipped away from mine. His touch was so, so, calming. I couldn’t describe it.</p><p> </p><p>I glanced to his face and admired his soft smile and eyes. He now looked at me with an expression of kindness.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you. You still didn’t need to do this you know.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, too late.”</p><p> </p><p>I smiled and looked down.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, if you need to talk, I’m here. I can handle it. Trust me.”</p><p> </p><p>My gaze was on his eyes again, studying them once more. But this time was the same as the others. I could sense anything.</p><p> </p><p>“And I don’t mean any of that cheesy ass guidance counselor bullshit they’re trying at school. I just mean, off the record talks, Rey. Just you and me.”</p><p> </p><p>This made me think. If there’s anyone who could possibly understand my situation it would be; first me, and then maybe Professor Ren. He took the time to care for my wounds when I could have done it perfectly fine myself. That’s saying something. If you care about trash, you’ve got to be the nicest person on earth.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine, I just... it’s been rough you know? After Sherry quit, I’ve had a lot more work. All he ever wants me to do is work.” I said that last part softly, but we were so close it didn’t even matter.</p><p> </p><p>“Is that what he was yelling at you about?”</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>We were almost whispering we were talking so low. All I could see was Professor Ren as he stared at my eyes, waiting for an answer. It was swallowing me whole.</p><p> </p><p>“Was he yelling at you because you stopped working?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>We stayed silent for a moment before Professor Ren brought his hand to cup my small shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“You should get out of here”</p><p> </p><p>His words were unexpected and hit me weird.</p><p> </p><p>“what?”</p><p> </p><p>There was an awkward silence as I watched his face turn back to study me.</p><p> </p><p>“You should... <em>leave</em> this life Rey. This clearly isn’t what you want.”</p><p> </p><p>Oh. So he saw through it. He saw through my front image. That’s a first.</p><p> </p><p>But I couldn’t allow him to see through Plutt’s.</p><p> </p><p>“I-I can’t.” I simply replied.</p><p> </p><p>“Why?”</p><p> </p><p>To far. I’m to deep in. Plutt could be listening through someone else’s ears.</p><p> </p><p>I know he doesn’t like Professor Ren at all, and he wouldn’t care if he killed him. Anything to protect his “perfect” image.</p><p> </p><p>I stood up and watched Professor Ren rise as well.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, Professor Ren, but I’ve got to get back now.”</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, Rey, you didn’t answer my question.”</p><p> </p><p>I was suddenly frustrated that he was persistent on knowing. His hands now rested on both of my shoulders, gently holding me in place.</p><p> </p><p>The only way to get around him was to be straight forward.</p><p> </p><p>“Listen, I appreciate your concern, but I just can’t answer your question. I just...can’t.”</p><p> </p><p>He dropped his hands to his side and I watched him leave his perseverance dead as I shot his requests down.</p><p> </p><p>“Again, thank you. I’ll see you in class tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>I felt almost guilty as I walked past him, but I can’t risk it.</p><p> </p><p>I was already risking it to much with that shitty response of mine. I should have just come up with another lie to tell. Maybe it would have convinced him to drop his concerns, but the response I gave only provoked him to keep searching. He wasn’t going to drop this. I could tell by the look on his face. It was warming, to have someone care about your life, and I would be glad in any other life but this one. I was completely cursed. I couldn’t even let one person in.</p><p> </p><p>There was definitely something off about Professor Ren. He’s the only person I’ve ever come across that makes me reexamine my self to make sure I’m in check. He’s the only person I’ve ever met who had the power and influence over me to make me feel something a little more that a basics reaction. I want to know why, but but I’m afraid of what I might see. Maybe he's not real. Nothing normal ever happens to me.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe this is just another lie in my life. It’s completely possible that he was hired by Plutt to spy on me. Or maybe he’s one of Plutt’s customers that wants to get close to me, and they both act like they don’t know each other to seal the deal. Of course, there’s always the majority possibility that none of that is true, but I just can’t get it out of my head. I can’t stop my mind form fearing the worst. I’m just trained to be that way, I can never enjoy the simple things in my life that others can because of my constant paranoia of fearing what can possibly happen. What is so different about my tall, dark, and noticeably handsome 22 year old AP biology teacher that just walked in from no where?</p><p> </p><p>It was times like these, where my talents would sure come in handy. Because now I can’t even protect myself because of him. For once, I don’t know how to prepare for possible danger from a person. It was driving me insane.</p><p> </p><p>Was I afraid of Professor Ren or was I obsessed that he had power over me that I didn’t? Or was it both?</p><p> </p><p>I had to keep a distance from him. Until I know that he is safe, I have to keep my guard up. Anything could happen. I don’t want to get hurt and I don’t want to hurt him.</p><p> </p><p>But never mind that. I had to fix the dishwasher</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. My Pathetic Assumptions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Happy April fools! </p><p>And on a serious note, this is the chapter where it all begins. I have big plans for future chapters, and it won’t be to long before we start getting to the juiciness. I think it’s around chapter 14?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <strong>Ben</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>
I was angry. I could confidently say I was infuriated. More infuriated than when Leia called me a few weeks ago. It could possibly my protective instincts as a teacher and a regular human being, but this was a deep hatred. My mind was spinning, twirling around in a unbelievable speed. I was feeling deep. Feeling...</p><p> </p><p>Emotion?</p><p> </p><p>I couldn’t bring myself to except it, but I already knew the answer. Rey’s unfair treatment and bloody hand provoked emotion. It seemed like such a simple thing, I had never felt so strongly fly over something like this before, not even at my own father’s funeral, so why did my student cause such a reaction in me?</p><p> </p><p>I had seen blood thousands of times. Whenever I cut my self, whenever I watched a gruesome movie, whenever I saw thousand of diagrams in college. But I had never seen such red blood when I treated her hand. It felt almost nauseating to look at. It wasn’t disgusting, but more unbelievable. Sometimes you just forget your a giant bag of blood and organs that when punctured, everything flows out. However, if it was just a cut she had, I don’t think I would have had such a strong mentality for it, I believe part of the reason I felt so unjust was because of the stupid reason that caused it.</p><p> </p><p>Overworking.</p><p> </p><p>I was only in high school a few years ago, and I could bring myself to ever believe I would have had the strength to work such a tedious job with no pay back then. I didn’t even have a job. It made me look pathetic. She had more perseverance than I ever had. But I do not look up to Rey in that way either. There is a boundary that society sets for people like her, unfortunately it’s not so clearly drawn. Everyone looks up and admires their solid work ethic but and yet they still see that they push themselves to hard. The reason that’s one big contradiction is because if you look up to someone, it pushes the mindset that they should be encouraged to overwork themselves and push even harder. That is truly disgusting. And most don’t even realize the true intent behind their so called “compliments”. Maybe that’s why I’m the only one who has never had any sort of role model in my life. I see through the mindless bullshit.</p><p> </p><p>But Rey, Rey was doing this shit for free. No recognition what so ever. And that was the reason why I felt so enraged. How could someone bare through that unless they didn’t feel any sort of emotion?</p><p> </p><p>Not to good of a reference, considering I don’t feel anything, at least about an hour ago anyway, but even I could see the intent that goes behind forced labor, and that makes me angry. Maybe Rey can’t.</p><p> </p><p>But that’s pure imagination.</p><p> </p><p>Rey was truly a divergent soul. I was astonished by her differences. But I was more importantly astonished with her affect on me. I didn’t really notice it at the moment, but things were beginning to change inside me. Wounds were closing, curiosity about the world was coming back to me and I was feeling again. I realized that Rey had stuck a shovel in me and began to dig my mind out of the dark. My attachment to her was forming. And it was a strong attachment.</p><p> </p><p>Funny she didn’t even realize it.</p><p> </p><p>And now I stand here, outside of the shops windows, still pondering in the place where Rey left me to resume her job. I was sort of stunned by her cold shoulder to me, but I was the one to blame for invading her privacy. Why did I even say that? It’s not like me at all to speak to people about their personal matters. Normally, I would t care about them. But my mouth just talked on it’s own. I don’t believe that was me talking. But the words were said clear as day, from my own body.</p><p> </p><p>I began to regret my words.</p><p> </p><p>This was obviously my fault. Everything was my fault, I should have rushed to the kitchen as soon as I heard the dish break, but I was too cowardly. I’m useles-</p><p> </p><p>A skunkish smell drifted through the air and into my nose. I was immediately drawn back out of my anxieties. Did someone take a shit out back?</p><p> </p><p>I covered my nose and thought for a second.</p><p> </p><p>“That wasn’t really a shit smell though” I murmured to myself as I tried to identify it.</p><p> </p><p>I definitely recognized the smell. I remember it form somewhere. I think I’ve smelled it a lot actually...</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! It’s weed!” I whispered to myself.</p><p> </p><p>I disregarded it as some teens smoking weed in the back fo the building because they had nothing better to do. But as I turned around to grab my things and leave, I heard the chuckle of a deep voice erupt from behind me.</p><p> </p><p>Little teenager boys didn’t have deep voices like that.</p><p> </p><p>Letting my curiosity over take me once more I started back towards the dark back alley way of the building. I made sure my steps were quiet and unnoticeable, although that was harder than I expected considering my size but I managed. The words dispersing from the back alley way became louder and louder, but I could only make half of them out. The others were just muffled gibberish.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t think she’ll retaliate right?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, the girl is trained.”</p><p> </p><p>A few other words were said but none of them made and sense.</p><p> </p><p>“She will be a very important factor over the next few weeks. These purchases take a while to plan, but for now, putting her in the environment she’ll be living in is a good chance to let her adjust to her future life.”</p><p> </p><p>One of the men speaking had a thick accent and the other had a rather nauseating and clobbered voice, it sounded like Plutt. It’s sounded Russian almost. Maybe that was the gibberish they were speaking earlier, Russian.</p><p> </p><p>This was becoming more concerning. We don’t have Russians around here. And why was Plutt of all people talking to a Russian.</p><p> </p><p>A pause between the two men brought me to a stop. I held my breath against the side of the building. I felt like a nosey child.</p><p> </p><p>I tried to peak around the corner of the building to get a glimpse of what they looked like. My heart beats were quickening with each inch I leaned my head in. I was scared my clumsy hair would fall in my face, making movement for them to catch. I let my right eye pear down the alley way for a split second and quickly jerked back. The image was dark and I could only make out the silhouette of the two men. One was short and round, most likely Plutt, and the other was lengthy and skinny. I had never seen the tall man before. I could see that he had a bald head and wore a business suit. I closed my eyes to picture the image in my head again. From the light that did shine through the dark area, I could see that the tall man was holding a brief case. It looked as if he was going to give it to Plutt. What could have been in it? Drugs? Money? Both?</p><p> </p><p>Before I could stop and think, I was already urging to steal one more good peak to see if I missed anything. On any normal occasion I would stop myself and scold myself for invading the privacy of others, but Plutt was an asshole, and I couldn’t care less about what he gets upset about after the way he treated Rey. I deserve the right to know more about the piece of shit.</p><p> </p><p>I ducked my head and grabbed another glance of the two men.</p><p> </p><p>This time, they were standing closer and the brief case was being handed over. I got a better view of the unknown figure although I could not see his facial details. The man had pail, wrinkly skin and from his side profile, it looked as if he was always scowling at something. The light that shined through may have deceived me but I thought he looked sort of familiar.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll be here tonight, correct? She’s getting worse about keeping the-” The muffled voice said.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes I’ll be here. Should I explain anything? Any future... events?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, she adjusts fast. She will be of much value to you and your men. She is a hard worker and can provide to all of your needs.”</p><p> </p><p>“That is probably for the better, she may start trouble.” The Russian mans voice was growing darker. I started to feel something disgusting from his intentions.</p><p> </p><p>He was not something to be over looked. Every atom in my body was telling me that this man was danger.</p><p> </p><p>“However, I must warn you Snoke, she is a virg-”</p><p> </p><p>“Silence, we must not talk to much here, this area may not be to densely populated but there are always listeners around.” The thick Russian accent responded.</p><p> </p><p>My cue to get the fuck outta here.</p><p> </p><p>As I made my way back as quick and quietly as I could, I started to worry about who they were talking of. Surely not something involving me that’s for sure.</p><p> </p><p>So the guys name was Snoke. It’s dangerous for Russians to be around here. For both parties. For Americans and him. I dwelled in the feeling of his intentions. His were evil. They were cold and sent shivers up my spine. If I could only get a better glimpse of him, I may have been able to tell exactly what he was intending to do.</p><p> </p><p>What was in that brief case?</p><p> </p><p>And who was that girl they were talking about?</p><p> </p><p>There’s no way they could be talking about Rey.</p><p> </p><p>I started to panic. Rey could be in serious danger that I couldn’t do anything about.</p><p> </p><p>But, Plutt said that he’d be here tonight, right? I couldn’t call the police because then it wouldn’t even happen and I’d get in trouble, but maybe if I warned Rey before it happened, I could prevent any terrible things from happening to her.</p><p> </p><p>I decided I would do that. I had a plan to stay in the coffee shop until it closed to warn her about the upcoming trouble before she was left totally alone. Then I could drive her back home safely and there would be no trouble. I wasn’t sure what tomorrow would bring but I would protect her as long as I needed to. After all she’s doing, she didn’t need any more problems to carry around.</p><p> </p><p>I went back in side and went to wash my hands in the restroom. I still had Rey’s blood on my hands.</p><p> </p><p>As the sound of running water filled the room, I watched the red tinted water flow down the drain. It was still infuriating that happened. But maybe I could make it up to her by preventing that weird bald head Russian from doing anything.</p><p> </p><p>How did I have so much confidence? How did I even know that he was coming for Rey and if I could even fight him if he was?</p><p> </p><p>I shook my head and walked out of the bathroom to sit down in my original seat.</p><p> </p><p>I had to try.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>My eyes were closing shut by them selves now as I stared at the clock on the wall I spent the last 3 hours pretending to grade fake papers, looking out the window, and tracing the numbers on the clock. I was tremendously bored.</p><p> </p><p>But my suffering was almost over, as the clock read 8:46. It was to my understanding she closed around 9.</p><p> </p><p>Rey stayed cleaning in the kitchen, but I could here her shuffles from the dining area. The place was silent and nobody remained. I doubt she even knew I was still here. I didn’t want to creep her out, I just wanted to make sure it was safe. I merely had a concern for my student so I acted upon it.</p><p> </p><p>Then, at 8:51, a very tired Rey crawled her way from the door to the dining room. I immediately took notice to the bandage I rapped earlier. It was already dirty from her cleaning. Maybe I could disguise my reasons for staying so late as concerns for her hand. Which was true in a way, I was concerned for her hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey!” I waved my hand to her as I got up from my seat.</p><p> </p><p>“Your still here?” She said, surprised.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, yeah... I just wanted to make sure your hand was ok.” I hope I was convincing enough.</p><p> </p><p>She stayed silent for a moment, as if she had never heard or seen any one be worried for her at all.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, um, thanks” she said looking away from me. “It’s fine, your bandage really held up...” she said it silently, as if she was almost embarrassed by my worries.</p><p> </p><p>She held her hand up so I could better view the bandage. It held up, with the price of it being in absolute shit condition by the end of the day, and knowing Rey, she wouldn’t throw it away because if the “hard work” I put in it, so she’d eventually get infected. It had oil smears in it and some blood was sleeping through it. I lowered my eye brows, taking pity on her pain.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, we need to rerap that... it’s gonna get infected if we don’t clean it up.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, but it only looks bad on the out side, I feel no pain on the inside at all!” She said a little to enthusiastically.</p><p> </p><p>“Look Professor Ren, I appreciate what your doing for me, but I can manage on my own. You don’t always have to help me.” She said, a soft smile peacefully settling in her face.</p><p> </p><p>“I know, your a very independent person, but this is the least I can do. Where is your med kit?”</p><p> </p><p>Her smile faded into a sort of disappointed look, but she said nothing. She waited a few seconds and turned back to lead me into the kitchen.</p><p> </p><p>I was surprised at how clean the kitchen was for its age, I guess that was probably because a woman worked the cooking and cleaning here. They are so much better at hygiene than men are. We’re kind of disgusting when you think about it. But it didn’t give the excuse of justification for her working all of this. It was to much.</p><p> </p><p>I laid my eye on the med kit she brought me, and I went to work finding the bandage rap.</p><p> </p><p>Once I found it, I set it aside on one of the counters to unrap her old bandage.</p><p> </p><p>“You still don’t have to do this-”</p><p> </p><p>“Shhh.”</p><p> </p><p>I could sense her surprise.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you just-”</p><p> </p><p>“Shhh”</p><p> </p><p>I went to work cleaning her wound and rapping it up again with clean tissue.</p><p> </p><p>“Okie dokie, all done.”</p><p> </p><p>“I am not a child.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know, you act like one though. Your quite stubborn.” I smiled back at her.</p><p> </p><p>She stayed silent, facial expression not moving. Then she lowered her eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“Ok. Why did you actually stay late. Don’t lie.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey was full of surprises. My smile faded and I stood up straight.</p><p> </p><p>“Honest? Well, I was worried.”</p><p> </p><p>“About...”</p><p> </p><p>“You.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why”</p><p> </p><p>“I was worried about what might happen to you.”</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean”</p><p> </p><p>I couldn’t keep spitting out vague answers that beat around the bush.</p><p> </p><p>“I heard something, and I was concerned.”</p><p> </p><p>“Heard...what?”</p><p> </p><p>He curiosity became more ferocious as we went on. Almost as if she was afraid of the truth.</p><p> </p><p>“Heard Plutt.”</p><p> </p><p>She was silent for a second, like she already figured it out, but she resumed.</p><p> </p><p>“What did he say”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know, he said something about a girl or whatever to some guy...” I was looking away now. This felt like an interrogation.</p><p> </p><p>“What guy”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know I didn’t see him...”</p><p> </p><p>“What were they talking about”</p><p> </p><p>I was silent now. Debating whether or not to tell her. It would make her aware of the danger to her, but I didn’t want her doing something stupid from knowing about it either.</p><p> </p><p>I decided to trust her.</p><p> </p><p>Trust someone I couldn’t even read. I was the susceptible one here.</p><p> </p><p>“They were talking about how a girl would be a valuable asset to the man with the face I couldn’t see. “</p><p> </p><p>For a second I saw Rey’s face burn with fear but it must have been my imagination because her expression broke into laughter.</p><p> </p><p>“What?” I asked, starting to smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Plutt runs a lawnmower business, he was referring to one of his favorite mowers he was selling to a customer.</p><p> </p><p>“Ahh.”</p><p> </p><p>I felt embarrassed. I still thought the way that he talked about the lawnmower was a bit strange but maybe he just really had a thing for lawnmowers.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh man, you thought I was in trouble?” Her laughter became louder.</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t know that.” I half smiled out of embarrassment.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s ok, Professor Ren, you didn’t know, I would be concerned too.”</p><p> </p><p>She placed her hand on my shoulder. I was immediately drew back by the trembles. Her hand was shaking.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, your hand-”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, uh, the alcohol you put on my wound is really burning and my hands shake when I’m in pain.” She said it convincingly so I believed her.</p><p> </p><p>I felt like I was committing a crime by being suspicious about everything Rey said. I didn’t know her that well, but I had enough faith to trust her, and she hasn’t trashed that trust yet, so I believe she is a good person.</p><p> </p><p>We walked out to the parking lot I and told her how to treat her wounds correctly. I still felt worried when we parted ways, as if I missed something. Something important. The lawnmower business was probably true. Rey seemed to whole heartedly believe it, and I guess lawnmower owners really like to smoke weed. But it still didn’t explain why he was selling lawnmowers to a Russian guy. Maybe it was just a coincidence and maybe I was just fooling myself. But it is strange, nevertheless. And why would a lawn mower cost a brief case of cash?</p><p> </p><p>I wanted to believe that Rey was okay, but I couldn’t bring myself to entirely except that story. And Rey was still in danger. Just from Plutt. If he didn’t care about her hand getting sliced from glass, he would care if anything else happened to her either, unless she died. He would be bummed that there would be no profit from the coffee shop.</p><p> </p><p>What an asshole.</p><p> </p><p>I truly wanted to do something about Rey’s situation. And for the first time in a long time, I was starting to care about someone again.</p><p> </p><p>For the first time in a long time, I was beginning to feel normal again.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. My Pathetic Assault Story</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>⚠️TW WARNING- SEXUAL ASSAULT⚠️</p><p>This is where the rising action begins my good friends.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Quarantine has bought me a lot of free time so I will probably be uploading more often now. </p><p>I was debating if I should have made this chapter as suddenly aggressive as it is, but I decided I would spice up my original script for the chapter so things would play out better between Ben and Rey. I think that the violence of this chapter is what I needed for the next chapters to work out. </p><p>Also, I didn’t make it that clear in the chapter, but Rey is not raped. She still has her virginity.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Rey</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>Wow.</p><p> </p><p>I completely and absolutely failed at keeping the truth hidden from Professor Ren.</p><p> </p><p>Kriff, a lawnmower business?!</p><p> </p><p>What the hell was I thinking?</p><p> </p><p>Not to mention my terrible acting skills back in the kitchen when he rerapped my hand. The sheer curiosity I had for his concerns should have given it away right then and there. Why would I have been so curious about my stepdads business if I already knew about it? Not only when I was trying to cover my tracks up i sounded bad, but also when the terror from realization started to kick in. I was shaking- I still am- and I played it off as...my fucking hand burns?</p><p> </p><p>I wouldn’t be surprised if my thoughts were loud enough to here from the street I walked to take home. I was thoroughly enraged with myself.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Maybe somehow, Professor Ren is a complete dunce and would look past it. However I doubt it, considering how easily he sees through everyone’s bullshit at school.</p><p> </p><p>But his newfound thoughts about me were the least of my concerns. I had bigger things to worry about. I had much bigger things to be afraid of.</p><p> </p><p>Professor Ren mentioned something about the use of a girl in some elaborate plan. No doubt the girl they were referring to is me. I know that in the past Plutt has always tried to sell me into deals whenever I became to nosy, but this time I didn’t do anything. And it would have been enough time for him to take action on my rebellious behavior today. These things take at least a week to plan, so he planned it on his own.</p><p> </p><p>He was planning to sell me for real.</p><p> </p><p>The realization and fear sank in and my pace slowed down to a stop.</p><p> </p><p>I didn’t have much time left.</p><p> </p><p>They may have even been planning to attack me tonight. Maybe that’s what Professor Ren heard and why he stayed late.</p><p> </p><p>My head zipped both ways, checking my surroundings, making sure I was alone. But it was very dark and half of the street lights blinked every two seconds while the other half didn’t work at all.</p><p> </p><p>I held my breath. I could feel the cool January breeze brushing up against my skin.</p><p> </p><p>Everything was silent.</p><p> </p><p>But I still felt uneasy. Very uneasy.</p><p> </p><p>My outside senses weren’t going to work.</p><p> </p><p>I closed my eyes and listened for any thoughts that pass my mind. Any foreign thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>I waited for what seemed an hour before I let myself relax in the feeling of solitude. They weren’t here yet, but they are definitely after me. Maybe they just didn’t know this route home.</p><p> </p><p>I picked up my original path only to slow back down again. What if they were at Plutt’s house?</p><p> </p><p>I figured Plutt was still in the neighborhood behind the coffee shop, but his home location is not secure to many of his clients.</p><p> </p><p>I decided I would go home and check around to see if anyone lurked around. I had a gun under my bed that Plutt gave me for Christmas when I was five, and I would use it if I had to. I couldn’t shoot though, I could never touch those fancy business men without getting a thousand lawsuits in return, but I could defined threaten.</p><p> </p><p>Who knows what I could be sold into. Salvery, prostitution, weird fetish services. I’ve seen it all before in the previous girls I’ve met that were pulled into Plutt’s deals.</p><p> </p><p>There was a girl I used to know named Serenity that lived in the neighborhood behind the coffee shop. She was very beautiful and came to the coffee shop on a regular basis. I believe I was in 9th grade around the time. I think that she thought of us as friends because she started a conversation with me every time I took her order. I was incapable of understanding that at the time, but it was refreshing to have a conversation with someone other than Plutt. Towards the end of the second semester, she came in one day crying. I asked her what was wrong and she explained the details to me. Serenity was sold into all three. I think that was the first time I really realized that Plutt was something to fear. Once my fear settled in I tried to assuage it by learning more about the situation. I eavesdropped on a conversation Plutt was having in the back alleyway after she disappeared completely and I realized he was payed a few thousand for it.</p><p> </p><p>If I had the chance to go back and meet serenity all over again, I would have been less selfish and actually tried to help her instead of helping my self. Maybe she wouldn’t have died like she did a year after she was taken.</p><p> </p><p>She died from giving birth to a child of rape. Plutt told me one day when he was drunk. He was upset he had to give the buyers a refund because she died and the warranty wasn’t up.</p><p> </p><p>I don’t want to take serenity’s place.</p><p> </p><p>I’m going to have to run if I want to survive.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>My breaths were unnoticeable as I walked silently through the woods behind my neighborhood. Taking the road would have been way to loud and vulnerable. I made sure not to step on any branches. Once I set sight upon my house, I glanced around it to see if any random lights were on. We turned all of them off to preserve as much power as we could.</p><p> </p><p>Nothing seemed to be on so I carefully started towards it.</p><p> </p><p>My first instinct when I walked up the steps was to turn back around. I was feeling a really bad atmosphere around the house, but I proceeded nevertheless.</p><p> </p><p>Once I stepped inside, everything seemed silent and when I closed my eyes to check for any presences, I found none. I relaxed and flipped the switch next to the door to light up the kitchen. I grabbed a few beers from the fridge and set them out on the counter for Plutt to forget his troubles later when he arrived home. I made my way back to my bedroom and entered the bathroom. I was thankful I had a bathroom conjoined to my room. I didn’t want Plutt trying anything. I turned the water knob of my tub and waited for the water to reach its max high of nuke warm.</p><p> </p><p>As I undressed my self, I let my mind wonder back to Professor Ren. It was very nice of him to be concerned about me during the day. He didn’t have to care for my wounds, I could have done that myself.</p><p> </p><p>I looked down at the bandage rapped around my hand and wrist. I traced the creases with the tip of my fingers. He was so gentle with my hands. I thought that he would have a strong and powerful grasp looking at his size, but his embrace was soft an comfortable. I guess it was something about the obliviousness I had towards him that made me feel unnatural. I guess this is what normal people feel when they meet someone. It was refreshing to have someone that I could talk to like a regular human. I didn’t have the knowledge about them already engraved in my head because of my stupid empathy.</p><p> </p><p>I was glad to have met Professor Ren. He was becoming more and more of a friend instead of a teacher. And it wasn’t that weird to me either. He was relatively close to my age so it wasn’t like talking to some old guy. I was surprised that he automatically assumed that the girl Plutt was referring to was me. It was almost warming to know that someone thinks of you as someone that could potentially be in danger.</p><p> </p><p>But I also cursed Professor Ren. I wasn’t thinking about it on the walk home, but it dawned on me in the shower that Professor Ren could be in as much danger as I am. As long as he believes what I tell him, he should be left alone, but if he tries to question it he could be killed. Any one who has the knowledge about Plutt being in the drug business is automatically dead.</p><p> </p><p>My shitty excuse was not enough to convince him. How could anyone possibly believe a man like Plutt would ever sell lawnmowers?</p><p> </p><p>I’m such a dumbass.</p><p> </p><p>As I got out of the shower and let the cold air pierce my face, I wiped the mirror free from steam to view my pathetic face.</p><p> </p><p>I wouldn’t consider myself to be pretty or ugly. Normally I’m pretty average. But this overworking was really doing a number to my body. My mind could keep up, but my body couldn’t. I could never stress my mind out because of its wideness, but my body was just like any other humans body. It degrades if overworked. Black circles were forming under my eyes and when I let my eyes lower to my torso, the settled on my now visible ribs beneath my breasts.</p><p> </p><p>I looked very below average now.</p><p> </p><p>I rapped a towel around my scrawny body and opened the bathroom door to my bedroom.</p><p> </p><p>My entire conscience dropped when I saw a bald, wrinkly old man in a business suit standing in my bedroom, leaning against the bed.</p><p> </p><p>Oh my fucking god.</p><p> </p><p>I slowly backed up into the bathroom, reaching for the door knob beside me.</p><p> </p><p>My mind didn’t even want to know what he was thinking, but the thoughts flew in naturally.</p><p> </p><p>He felt no love what so ever. He only felt lust and greed. Disgusting.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, don’t be afraid” the old man raised his hand to try and cover up his lies.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m only here to tell you about what your father has planned for you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t your ever... call Plutt my father. What do you want.” My confidence sounded strong but it was only supported my my shaking hand grasping the door knob beside me.</p><p> </p><p>“Ok... Plutt, has arranged for you to meet with me and my executives for a meeting.”</p><p> </p><p>His face was full of lies. He really didn’t care about the news he was giving me. I could have learned it from Plutt. There was a real reason why he was here. He wanted something else. He wanted...</p><p> </p><p>He wanted me. He wanted my body.</p><p> </p><p>I flinched as he stepped closer to me.</p><p> </p><p>“Get away from me.” I said silently, warning him.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh Rey, you must realize we mean no harm.”</p><p> </p><p>His condescending tone was sending me to anger levels unknown to man. I stepped backwards into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me.</p><p> </p><p>My fear was still very prominent but it was settling, as I felt safer with a door between us.</p><p> </p><p>“You mustn't run dear, you have to know the details of the meeting.”</p><p> </p><p>“What details!”</p><p> </p><p>“What you must wear! And what kind of meeting it is?”</p><p> </p><p>I could hear the smile through the muffled voice.</p><p> </p><p>“You can tell me that from out there.” I said, grasping the door knob with all my might.</p><p> </p><p>I felt a rattle beneath my beneath my hands. He was trying to get in. He was right out side the door.</p><p> </p><p>My breath quickened and my heart was pounding in my chest.</p><p> </p><p>“The attire you have to wear is formal,” he rattled the door again. “, and the meeting is a ball party.”</p><p> </p><p>“I must give you the invitation, Rey”</p><p> </p><p>Shit. I could hear the struggle in his voice. Why couldn’t he just set it on my dresser? And knowing this guy, he wouldn’t comply to my requests.</p><p> </p><p>I didn’t want to open the door, but I had too. Maybe if I just cracked it open and stuck my hand out, he would give it to me.</p><p> </p><p>I slowly opened the door and stuck my hand out.</p><p> </p><p>He said nothing and slowly set a letter in my hand.</p><p> </p><p>But before I could pull back, he grabbed my hand and jerked the door open.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey! What the hell are you doing-”</p><p> </p><p>“Your hurt Rey! We can’t have you going to a dance like that! Look at that bandage!”</p><p> </p><p>I could see the crazed look in his eyes. And they weren’t looking at my hurt hand. There were looking at the hand clutching my towel together.</p><p> </p><p>Oh my god, he was going to rape me if I didn’t get out of here.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh man, Plutt said you were a good deal, but I didn’t think you’d look this amazing. Maybe if I just...”</p><p> </p><p>His hand rubbed against the skin on my arm.</p><p> </p><p>“Your skin is so beautiful and soft. I could have you all to my self...”</p><p> </p><p>“Let me go you asshole richy!”</p><p> </p><p>I struggled beneath his grip but was only pushed back against my sink.</p><p> </p><p>He grabbed my shoulders, freeing my hands. But before I could punch him, he pressed his disgusting face against mine in an attempt to kiss me. His hands traveled downwards to my towel to unrap it, and my hands flew to his back, punching and hitting as hard as I could.</p><p> </p><p>“Let,” I was muffled my his mouth as I screamed. “, me go!”</p><p> </p><p>His hands eventually undid the towel knot, dropping it to the ground, exposing my naked body for him to lust at. He pulled away from my face and I wiped my mouth.</p><p> </p><p>“Get away from me!” I pushed him backwards, but he retaliated and threw me to the ground. My head clashed against the tile flooring causing my vision to go blurry. I shook it off despite the headache, and started searching for anything I could hurt him with.</p><p> </p><p>My thoughts were interrupted when the bastard started sucking my nipples. I felt absolutely disgusting and his hands rubbed up and down against my thighs.</p><p> </p><p>“Calm down, Rey, no one can hear you but me.”</p><p> </p><p>I ignored his puny comment and turned my head over to the sink cabinet beside me. I slowly inched my arm over to its doors and open it while the old man was focused on harassing my lower stomach.</p><p> </p><p>My eyes widened when they set sight on a razor I had put down there for storage. I could slash him with it. My hand made a move to grab it, but I was to noticeable.</p><p> </p><p>The old man brought his face up from where it should have never been and looked dead at my hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh no you don’t.”</p><p> </p><p>We both reached for it and I got to it first. Unfortunately, he grabbed my hand and forced against the side of my face, causing my to cut the side of my face with it, barely missing my eye. I didn’t know how deep the cut was but I felt the hot blood flowing down the side of my face. Thankfully, the adrenaline and perseverance I felt was enough to numb the pain for now.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s what you get when you try to resist you stupid bitch.”</p><p> </p><p>And then he went back to doing what only I could describe as absolute hell.</p><p> </p><p>My body laid limp. I could do anything. He was going to rape me and take my virginity. I didnt even care about losing it, but I definitely cared about who I’d be losing if too if I did. My ideal person was definitely not some old horny pedo business man.</p><p> </p><p>I felt disgusted.</p><p> </p><p>I closed my eyes and let tears fall from them.</p><p> </p><p>Is this what serenity felt?</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly I heard I voice from above.</p><p> </p><p>“Snoke”</p><p> </p><p>I opened my eyes to the sight of Plutt standing over me and the old man.</p><p> </p><p>The disgusting creature that was harassing me pulled away from my body and looked at Plutt.</p><p> </p><p>“Stop this. This isn’t the time.”</p><p> </p><p>I was only great full for his words, I hated the man, and I know he was only trying to preserve my innocence for the real deal, but I would be happy for any time I had left.</p><p> </p><p>Snoke just stared at him like he had interrupted something personal, in which he sort of did, but he eventually got up and straightened his tie. I scrambled back against the tub wall grasping my towel against my nude body.</p><p> </p><p>“She’s perfect for us Plutt.” He said grinning in greed.</p><p> </p><p>My face was red and tears were plastered on my cheeks half dried. I was unbelievably angry.</p><p> </p><p>The two men walked out and I was left to cry in the bathroom.</p><p> </p><p>What the hell was I going to do. I didn’t want that to ever happen again.</p><p> </p><p>I climbed in the tub and shut the curtains. I felt semi safe in here. I turned the water back on to rid myself of the disgusting mans scent and cologne.</p><p> </p><p>I sat, balled up, crying.</p><p> </p><p>He stole my first kiss and he was the first person to ever touch me down there. I wanted to throw up.</p><p> </p><p>His face was engraved in my mind, and no matter how many times I felt would ever feel happy in life, his face would be there to stop me. I could never look at any man the same way again because of him. I couldn’t just go to school and work tomorrow like nothing happened at all. I wasn’t going to sleep tonight or many nights after this one. I was going to start failing my classes.</p><p> </p><p>How could Serenity do this? How did she survive for even a year? I felt so terrible after just one encounter.</p><p> </p><p>I wanted to kill my self.</p><p> </p><p>I wanted to die.</p><p> </p><p>At least I’d die by my own hands and not out of someone else’s.</p><p> </p><p>But I couldn’t.</p><p> </p><p>I had to survive. I had to keep on living. I didn’t know when or where they would be back, but I know that I had until then to come up with a plan on how to leave New Jersey.</p><p> </p><p>And where if even go if I did?</p><p> </p><p>Their business is everywhere. In every state, city and county.</p><p> </p><p>I couldn’t think about this now. My head was pounding and all I wanted to do was think about the good things.</p><p> </p><p>Things I could live for. Things that could get me through the night.</p><p> </p><p>I let my shoulders and back muscles relax against the water hitting it as I let my mind create soothing images for me to forget my pain over.</p><p> </p><p>Rose and Finn popped up in my mind. I wished to see them right now. Professor Ren entered my mind. His thoughtfulness made me feel cared for. Even Poe Dameron entered my mind. I would give anything to go back to a simple day at school where Dameron would say something stupid and my friends and I would make jokes about it that made Professor Ren laugh. How did all of this happen so fast? Not even a full month in and I’m already sold to some rich business group. It made me feel disgusted.</p><p> </p><p>But the thought of my life at school, brought my mental state to a better place. My mind would not break over this. I was strong. And I want going to let this happen to me.</p><p> </p><p>As long as I had people that cared for me in my life, I could make it, even if it meant I would never see them again.</p><p> </p><p>I was feeling emotion. Raw emotion.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe it was because I was still dazed from earlier events, but I felt a longing to see my friends.</p><p> </p><p>It was the same type of longing I felt when Professor Ren held my hand and released it.</p><p> </p><p>I wanted to be near Rose and Finn.</p><p> </p><p>I wanted to be near Professor Ren again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. My Pathetic Story</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>we get to see Ben become a whole child over Rey and we get to see his back story.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>WOW. A whole 4072 words y’all. I didn’t think I  had it in me.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><strong>Ben</strong> <br/><br/></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>A familiar feeling lingered in my mind as my eyes fluttered open to unjust the light of the early morning sky. I didn’t try to reminisce in the thought because the dream was already forgotten by the time I felt my conscience awaken. When I focused, the sky was more of a deep blue then a dull grey, meaning it would probably be sunny today. it would probably rain at night though. Rain was quite common living in the coast.</p><p> </p><p>I untangled my legs and arms from my messy white bed sheets. I didn’t ever have time to make my bed on the week days, so I just made it every weekend. I started every day out with a glass of water and some scrambled eggs, so I went to work turning my stove on and finding a pan to cook in. Cooking eggs didn’t take relatively long, and before the clock struck 6:30 they were already finished.</p><p> </p><p>I still had time to take a quick shower and do my hair.</p><p> </p><p>Normally, I’d wake up with a headache or a sore throat or even a pulled muscle, but today I woke up with peace. It’s been strange. I’ve been waking up and enjoying my days more and more now. I feel more motivated to teach and direct during the day than when I did last semester.</p><p> </p><p>I have a feeling it’s due to Rey’s presence. I believe that her existence in my life has some how vanished my previous worries of being unhappy for eternity. Maybe it is because I am allowed to be vulnerable near her. I can’t read her and that puts me on the same level as everyone else. Everything I ever wanted was just given to me through her. And she didn’t even know it.</p><p> </p><p>Rey.</p><p> </p><p>I was still doubtful of my decision to completely assent to her explanation for yesterday’s events. I didn’t fully believe her yet about the conversation between Plutt and that other man. Nothing seems to fit quite right. It was like a puzzle that was constructed perfectly but the picture it formed didn’t make any sense. I felt like a blind man in Rey’s presence. I guess that is the bad part about being regular. Your ignorance.</p><p> </p><p>I suppose I will have to talk to Rey later today to see if there’s another way the prices fit together better.</p><p> </p><p>There’s gotta be.</p><p> </p><p>Even I could tell that Rey was exceptionally nervous yesterday, but I didn’t know what it was about. It really could have been anything.</p><p> </p><p>I finished my eggs and put the bowl in the sink. I took a quick shower and threw on a new outfit. I was feeling abnormally anxious to arrive at school. Maybe I really did want to see Rey that badly. I think it was safe to consider her a friend. She may not have considered me anything more than her teacher, but Rey was entertaining to hang out with. Even in the short conversations we’ve had so far, she’s proven to be a truly unique soul. One that I cannot put into a category. It fascinates me.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Is everyone here?” Although I couldn’t see it, the class before me shook their heads, and I expected to see everyone present when I took my seat but I was surprised to find that Rey was not in the room.</p><p> </p><p>I sort of stared at her empty seat, almost shocked in away, I felt selfish for immediately expecting her to be here. I had fully convinced myself of it, so when she wasn’t, it took my by unexpected surprise.</p><p> </p><p>“Does anyone know where Rey is?” I asked, pushing up my glasses in an attempt to cover my concern.</p><p> </p><p>“Um, Professor Ren?” I lifted my head to view Rose, one of Rey’s friends I believe.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes ?”</p><p> </p><p>“Rey said she would be late, she had to run somewhere before school”</p><p> </p><p>Ahh. It still annoyed me in a way. It was irritating that she was not here. I wanted this day to be perfect. Why wasn’t she here?-</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry I’m late, I had some business to attend to.” The door beside me busted open and I was greeted with what I assumed was Rey at first, by the sound of her voice, but when I glanced in her direction to smile with joy that she was here, what I saw was not Rey.</p><p> </p><p>My face dropped. Every kid in the room sort ofsilenced in disbelief of my sudden change of mood.</p><p> </p><p>The girl standing in front of me was a tired and worn out body, pushing itself to the maximum. A very visible cut remained slashed across the left side of her face, barely missing her eye, and bruise marks could be seen when she twisted her head a certain way, leaving her neck exposed.</p><p> </p><p>I should have questioned my self yesterday instead of letting it slide.</p><p> </p><p>She was hurt because of my stupidity.</p><p> </p><p>If only I could have read the mans intentions clearly yesterday, I might have been able to protect her. I was definitely going to ask her about it as soon as we got out of school.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, Professor Ren...”</p><p> </p><p>Surprisingly, Rey’s voice was as energetic as usual. It was almost as if her mind was an endless abyss of energy where her body couldn’t keep up. I could see that she couldn’t tell that anything was wrong with her. She felt normal like every other day.</p><p> </p><p>That made me even more upset.</p><p> </p><p>“Please go take a seat Ms. Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>I had to look away from her. The sight of her bruises and cuts were to enraging for me.</p><p> </p><p>For a second, I had a thought that passed through my mind telling me to kill whatever bastard human did that to her but it was gone before I could latch on to it.</p><p> </p><p>I didn’t even want to explore the details of exactly how she got the injuries, although I had a feeling that I already knew.</p><p> </p><p>It took a great amount of strength to take my eyes off of her, but I cleared my throat and turned my head to the class.</p><p> </p><p>“Today we will be starting a new unit. You guys did great on your tests yesterday by the way, well, except for Dameron of course” some kids giggled, although it was really my intention to cheer Rey up.</p><p> </p><p>I turned around to face the green chalk board and picked up the small pice of chalk. Once I finished writing my words, I took a step back. I had trouble immediately glancing at Rey when I spoke but I managed to keep a straight face.</p><p> </p><p>“Unit 3. Genetics and Evolution.”</p><p> </p><p>I went to work drawing out diagrams of punnet squares on the board and basic examples of genotypes and phenotypes. Teaching was a breeze for me. It just came naturally. However, there were times where I would fumble over my words in class because when ever I turned around to make sure Dameron wasn’t snoozing, I would shoot a quick glance over at Rey and get distracted. I couldn’t wait at all to talk to her once we got out of school.</p><p> </p><p>And then the screeching sound of the school bell bleed through my ears.</p><p> </p><p>I hate that sound.</p><p> </p><p>Everyone immediately started packing up but most had their heads turned to me waiting for a homework assignment.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, no homework for today.” I shot them a quick awkward smile and raised my hands.</p><p> </p><p>I could have given out homework but today’s lesson was exceptionally basic and I wasn't about to give Rey homework to deal with when clearly she had bigger problems to worry about.</p><p> </p><p>Also it gave me more time at the coffee shop to chat with her. But that was besides that point.</p><p> </p><p>The day did not fly by. Each class was longer and longer and I almost convinced myself that a minute was more like an hour by 4th period. I especially hated 4th period. Not only did I teach AP bio but I taught regular bio as well. That class is a mix of kids that want to work hard but work stressful jobs and have terrible home lives and kids that don’t even know what division is. It’s frustrating because either way they never get anywhere. But thankfully I was released from my troubles at 3:25. And I ran straight from my classroom to the parking lot.</p><p> </p><p>My right foot bounced up and down with anxiety while my left controlled the gas as I drove to the coffee shop. I knew I was right, they we’re gonna do something to Rey. I wish I had just followed through with my instincts, maybe this would have never happened. I’ve got to get her out of this situation. She’s 18 so she can legally leave-</p><p> </p><p>And then it hit me.</p><p> </p><p>What if she can’t leave?</p><p> </p><p>What if she told me a lie because I’ll be in danger if she told the truth?</p><p> </p><p>And before I could act on it, I forgot it as soon as I saw the coffee shop. I was to interested in how Rey got hurt than to consider other possibilities for her situation.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s facial expression didn’t really change through out the day. There were a few instances in my class where I’d crack a corny joke and she’d let out a small giggle along with a few other students but aside from that, it was just exhaustion. And that was what her face screamed even when taking my order.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey Professor Ren! What can I get for you?” Funny how her voice and kind never slowed down. If I was blind I wouldn’t be able to tell if anything was ever wrong.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll just get a coffee.” I smiled softly to her.</p><p> </p><p>“Oookay, I’ll have that right out.”</p><p> </p><p>It was so strange how she could just cat like we’ve never met before while she’s working. Sure she called me Professor, but if we were just speaking normally it would probably go something more like “hey dawg you wanna drink or somethin?”</p><p> </p><p>Why was I even thing about that.</p><p> </p><p>Weird.</p><p> </p><p>I had to focus on when she’d get on break. But what I ended up doing the entire time was staring at her like a creep for 3 hours. I watched her walk back and fourth from the kitchen to the customers, barely recognizing them as she had more important things to do in the kitchen. Through the little opening between the kitchen and the cash registers I could see her head zoom around. How did she never get tired?</p><p> </p><p>Wait a second. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her eat before here.</p><p> </p><p>Did she even eat dinner? Or even breakfast? I know she ate lunch, I’d seen her in the cafeteria plenty of times carrying around a red tray.</p><p> </p><p>However, lunch may have been the only meal she ate all day. And it wasn’t an exceptionally ideal meal either. The school food here was less than normal.</p><p> </p><p>This was ironic considering she worked at a coffee shop, and prepared all the food.</p><p> </p><p>Not to mention, I’ve noticed her weight changes. It’s hard to tell under the semi baggy pants and shirts she wears but the belt is more than enough to see that she is getting dangerously close to being anorexic. Thankfully, what prevents that is her muscular structure. This running around in the coffee shop all day helps her keep energy and health.</p><p> </p><p>But it didn’t excuse the fact that no human should be limited down to one shitty meal per day. The schools crap was like prison food, I would much rather see her eating home brought food, but I bet Plutt doesn’t even let her touch it.</p><p> </p><p>Disgusting. When was the last time she even had a proper dinner. Maybe never. That was infuriating.</p><p> </p><p>It’s strange how I came up with these assumptions for Rey and her personal life completely disregarding my original intentions of finding out the truth about her. Instead, all I’ve done is subjected myself to a regular human being that makes foolish assumptions in attempt to explain things in which they cannot. But I was too blinded by the sight of true happiness to realize it. I was starting to care more about being close to Rey then what I could do for her problems. But I tried to keep the needs balanced.</p><p> </p><p>I decided that tomorrow, I would take Rey out for lunch. It was really the only time I could waste her time without it hurting her.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Damn, It’s cold out here” I heard Rey call from in front of me as she opened the doors of the shop to a blizardiss night.</p><p> </p><p>There were small water droplets falling from the sky, a mix of rain and sleet. Not to mention, to was windy. Had to be at most 30 degrees.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah it is a bit cold.” I cringed at my dry response.</p><p> </p><p>“so what did you wanna talk about?”</p><p> </p><p>Now was my chance to figure out the origins of that scar. But I had to be subtle.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I wanted to make sure you were doing ok, you looked pretty tired in first period.”</p><p> </p><p>Great. Way to make you sound like a creepy guidance counselor.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh I’m fine, I didn’t get to much sleep last night because Plutt made me,” she paused for a second before resuming, as if she was trying to remember something. “He was pretty upset when we got home and to punish me for my outbreak yesterday, I stayed up cleaning.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh” Seems like something that asshole would make her do.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, I didn’t know. You’ll be ok right? Do yo need any help with disinfecting that cut?” That was more of a subtle approach. Good job Ben.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh no, I handled it last night, your instructions for my hand cut were more than enough for me to treat future ones.”</p><p> </p><p>So she got it last night. Well that checks of the “when did it happen” box. The wheels were already turning in my head. If no one actually came to Rey’s house last night except her and Plutt, and Plutt was already mad with her, than there’s really only one suspect here. Plutt did it.</p><p> </p><p>“Ahh, well that’s good to know.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey Rey, I gotta question for you”</p><p> </p><p>“Uh shoot.”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you eat dinner?”</p><p> </p><p>She was taken back by my question. It was straightforward but it wasn’t a weird one. I was genuinely concerned.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, sorta. I mean, there’s a bowl of apples in the kitchen that are supposed to be for kids when they come but no one ever wants one so I eat one before I go home.”</p><p> </p><p>Better than nothing, and I supposed apples had the right nutrients to power Rey through what ever she had to do when she went home such as homework and chores, but it was till unacceptable that she doesn’t have the chance to eat a normal meal every night.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, have you ever... had dinner?”</p><p> </p><p>“What”</p><p> </p><p>She was silent. I figured her out and she was surprised.</p><p> </p><p>“I- well- um- no not really... there was one time when Plutt had a barbecue with his other wacko friends and I ate that but none other that I can recall... um, why does it matter again?”</p><p> </p><p>“Well it matters because you’ve never had dinner before.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah but, what’s the big deal”</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve never had an essential meal of the day before”</p><p> </p><p>“And?”</p><p> </p><p>I dropped my head, looking at the ground. She really didn’t understand the importance of what she’s never had. I started to get carried away.</p><p> </p><p>“Have you ever had breakfast either?”</p><p> </p><p>“No...”</p><p> </p><p>“Rey”</p><p> </p><p>I raised my head.</p><p> </p><p>“How can you not see what’s wrong here?”</p><p> </p><p>“What? I’m just not as privileged as everyone else. See Professor Ren, you and I are very different. You were born into your life wealthy. As a kid growing up, you didn’t have to worry about insignificant things like having no dinner or running out of hot water because for you, there was an infinite supply. Thus why you were able to focus more on school, thus why you got good grades, thus why you went on to college and got a job. I don’t have those opportunities. I won’t have a chance at getting a job or a college education because I just wasn’t born in it. I can strive for good grades but I’ll always be right underneath every scholarship because of that one factor that tugs me down; those insignificant things I have to worry about. Where I’m going with this, Professor Ren, is that I don’t have the time to worry about wanting dinner or how unfair it is to me that I can’t have it, I have to focus as much as I can on that small chance that I might could succeed in life. Please don’t try to make me feel a victim here, Professor Ren. I am not a victim, I am the person who takes the long route in life.”</p><p> </p><p>I was stunned. She made me revaluate my self. Maybe I was the one at fault here. I never considered the fact that she grew up with this and thought therenothing wrong with it. She grew up tough and that was the end of it. Who was I to try and pry into her life and tell her that she was living wrong.</p><p> </p><p>It was hitting me how much of a terrible thing that is to do.</p><p> </p><p>Yet I still felt that I owed her a chance at eating a normal meal. It was the least I could do.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Its fine. I got a little carried away. I’ve just been so stressed.”</p><p> </p><p>Ahh. So she finally admits it.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, would you at least like to try a regular meal?”</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean.”</p><p> </p><p>“During lunch period tomorrow I can take you out to a deli or something.”</p><p> </p><p>I didn’t mean for it to sound weird or “like that” at all, but when your asking anyone out to lunch it kinda gives that vibe. But I think Rey is smart enough to know I meant nothing but generosity behind the statement.</p><p> </p><p>“Really? You’re serious.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mm hmm.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well, that’s very kind of you but I don’t want to be late for 4th period though... Professor Hux’d give me hell for it”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll make sure he won’t fuss. He always says shit about expelling people who are late but neither the teachers or principal give enough shits to worry about his petty concerns.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ahh. Well, still, English isn’t exactly my strong suit. Kinda need to be there to learn everythingI can before exams.”</p><p> </p><p>“I guess, if that’s what you want to do. I’m a teacher and I certainly can’t hold a student back from wanting to learn. That would be stupid. But, if you change your mind and um, ahem, you realize that Hux pretty much bullshits the entire class anyway, ahem, I’ll be out in the parking lot.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ok Professor Ren, I’ll think about it” she said with a giggle.</p><p> </p><p>“Also, maybe don’t call me Professor Ren if you do decide to go with me, we might attract a few eyes. People are quick to make assumptions when they see a student and a teacher eating lunch together on a school day.”</p><p> </p><p>“Uh sure. Should I call you Ren or...”</p><p> </p><p>“Just go with Ben.”</p><p> </p><p>It wasn’t that big of a deal. It was just for an hour or so, it’s not like it was permanent or anything. I’m pretty sure I could handle hearing that name from her. I hated it but I knew she meant nothing by it.</p><p> </p><p>“Ok, Ben, I’ll see you tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>Well, so much for the temporary thing. Maybe if just have to get used to it. I couldn’t get mad at Rey if I tried. There was nothing to be mad about.</p><p> </p><p>We waved our farewells and I started towards my car.</p><p> </p><p>So lunch was set. Well, hopefully, though I had a feeling she’d come with me anyway.</p><p> </p><p>I think I feel a bit nervous about it. First time I ever went to lunch with someone that wasn’t complete torture. Most of the time, it was between me and Leia, and all we discussed back then was what field I should go into after college and how to manage taxes and shit. I think the last entertaining lunch I had was when dad was still alive back in 78. I was 13 and we were playing basketball out in the back of our yard. He was teaching me how to shoot, and then I remember him saying something along the lines of “let’s go get something to eat”. I expected he meant going inside and eating whatever Leia- or mom back then, would fix up for us, but we ended up hopping in his “Millennium Falcon” as he’d call it, and we drove to a real popular burger place in town. I remember him talking to me about regular dude things and it made me feel real excepted. That was about a year before he died. Fast forward a year, and my once happy state of mind changed completely when dad told me and mom that he had some undiagnosed heart condition that he found out about a few months back and never told us until then to preserve our happy life. That was when my changes began. About a month after he told us, he died in his sleep. His heart just stopped. And by the time Leia woke up, his body was cold. That was also the day that mom became Leia, and our once happy connection ceased to exist as everything down spiraled in front of us. After he died, I feel into a depression for about a week or so and eventually snapped. I believe that was when everything clicked into place. I could see things that others could not and all it spawned was severe anxiety and frequent panic attacks. I stopped talking to Leia and when I turned 15, I drove away when ever I had the chance to. Eventually, my rebellious behavior became so bad that Leia called her brother out of desperateness. He was a counselor and he was cheep so I decided to give it a try. Luke was compassionate, but he was convinced he saw evil in me. Not knowing how to handle my situation, he told me to just project what I felt to let it all out. But I felt nothing and he couldn’t understand it. And then when graduation came at 16, I left. With out a word. I couldn’t handle being in that toxic situation anymore. I just wanted to be free from it all. Thankfully, it was the right decision because I’ve only gone up from there. I had less and less worries everyday while in college and by the time I landed a job teaching, my condition was almost unnoticeable. I think if Luke saw me now, he would understand that I wasn’t a devil child for being empathic. I was just different.</p><p> </p><p>And then I met Rey. My condition still exists but not only have I still been improving, but I’ve added a few features too. I’m starting to feel emotion again. I’m starting to feel like I can be valued and loved as a person too. I’m starting to feel like I was the only one who put my “Unlovable” status upon me. I was still new at it, and I couldn’t really feel anything with anyone else besides Rey, but it gave me hope. It was a new hope. Like a force, drawing me in. Drawing me closer to her. And I would except it. Maybe Rey is the beacon of light for me, the one that can finally pull me out from underneath. She was the only person I couldn’t get anything from, yet the one I’ve received so much from. She was truly different from the rest. My attachment to her was finally prominent. I didn’t want her to leave me. That was why I felt so obligated to protect her today and yesterday. Because shes important to me.</p><p> </p><p>I hope that our friendship reaches beyond her graduation.</p><p> </p><p>I couldn’t survive with out it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. My Pathetic Weapon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Rey and Poe have an interaction different from their normal taunting ones -new possible friendship maybe?- and Rey takes Ben up on that offer for lunch.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I can’t wait to get into the juice of this story.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Rey</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The familiar pain of remembrance slowly came back to me as my consciousness drifted away from dream land back to reality. Every place where Snoke touched me a few days ago, was sore just from pure disgust. I wasn’t sleeping good either, all the dreams that entered my head were just glimpses of past memories, or things I was afraid of. I couldn’t exactly remember what the dream I just came out of was, but by the way my eyes were wet, I’m assuming it wasn’t very good.</p><p> </p><p>As I untangled myself from my wrinkled sheets, I took a few moments to glance outside my tiny window. The sky was a deep dawn blue and the sun hadn’t risen yet so there was a slight darkness over the land. Judging by the way the blue had a grayish tint to it, it was probably going to rain again today.</p><p> </p><p>Once I got dressed and did my hair, I started finishing my remaining homework in the few minuets I had left before I had to start walking to school. Professor Hux really was a bitch. Maybe I could pretend to be sick while I’m out for lunch with Professor Ren so I could stay longer.</p><p> </p><p>Oh, that’s right. Lunch. I completely forgot. There was no point in trying to double check my homework now, as my mind was captured by the thought that someone was nice enough to consider if I’d like to go out. My first ever restaurant.</p><p> </p><p>I looked down at my usual attire and frowned. If someone had the generosity to even consider my likes and desires, then the least I could do was look respectful. I looked like a janitor.</p><p> </p><p>I walked back over to my dresser and rummaged through my poorly folded clothes. No, this wasn’t going to do. I walked over to my dusty closet, and opened the doors, hoping that whatever I had in here might still fit. I remember I went to prom back in 10th grade, and I wore a casual short dress to it. It was plain white, and it had a few embroidered designs on the edges of it. My eyes lit up when I spotted it. I snatched the item of clothing form it’s hanger and started undressing myself. Once I finished slipping the dress on, surprisingly with ease, I walked over to my bathroom mirror to inspect it on my body.</p><p> </p><p>The insecurities took over.</p><p> </p><p>The dress did not only in fact fit on me after 2 years, but it was a bit big on me. I had lost so much weight in the past few weeks, I looked like a 9 year old boy wearing his older sisters dress. I turned to the side, hoping that I might still have some curves to my body, and although my chest stood out enough for me to at least look like someone of the xx chromosome, my bony ribs did a fairly good job of competing with it for first. I looked sick. Maybe if I put on a jean jacket, I wouldn't look so unhealthy.</p><p> </p><p>But I had another problem as well. My legs were full of bruises from kicking and screaming against Snoke. Maybe if I just went with that preppy school girl with tights look, I could make the dress corporate.</p><p> </p><p>And so I did. I decided to color code my jacket and my tights, so I went with black tights and a black leather jacket. I looked like a former popular girl stoner, but I kinda like the look. It was bitchin.</p><p> </p><p>To fit the look better, I frizzed up my hair and put on a dash of black eye shadow. Now I really looked cool, but not bad. I looked like I’d fit in to a regular restaurant setting.</p><p> </p><p>But there was one more thing that I wanted to take to school with me.</p><p> </p><p>I knelt down on my knees to peak under my dresser. I pushed around a few stranded items beneath the wooden furniture and my eyes jumped from corner to corner in search for a specific item. Once I found it, I stuck my arm back as far as I could to latch on to the handle of it. I drug it out. It was a small box that Plutt gave me for my 5th birthday. I remember at the time I was beginning to act rebellious against him because I was unaware of what I was even adopted for. I was cold hearted and an all around mean child. I didn’t understand at the time that I was born into poverty so whenever I went to school and saw the other children with their cool birthday presents I became jealous I never had one. So naturally I went home and complained to Plutt about why I never got anything for my birthday. Well, when my 5th birthday arrived, Plutt gave me this box and told me happy birthday only to turn back around and take another drink of beer with his drunk friends. I went to my room thrilled for what was inside, and when I opened it, I was greeted with a gun.</p><p> </p><p>I pulled the gun out of the box. I hadn’t touched this gun in years. I saw the memories behind it when I was a kid and that was when it all started to go down hill. I remember seeing a quick flash of every face that was killed using this very gun.</p><p> </p><p>But I had to deal with it now. I never had a need to shoot or protect myself until now, and I would use this gun if I have to.</p><p> </p><p>I slipped the gun in the inside pocket of my leather jacket.</p><p> </p><p>I took one last quick look in the mirror. As long as I had the jacket and tights on, I looked like a normal high school kid. I was gonna be ok. My eyes floated down to the reflection of my jacket. And as long as I had this gun with me, not a single one of those druggy mother fuckers would get to me.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, look at what we have here...” Dameron’s condescending voice commented on my outfit.</p><p> </p><p>Him and his group of girls snickered at me and my appearance as I took my seat. I unconsciously started rubbing the eye shadow of my face. Insecurities really have a mind of their own.</p><p> </p><p>Out of the corner of my eye, I watched one of the girls lean in and whisper something into Dameron’s ear. I watched him listen and laugh. Dameron got up from his seat and walked over to mine. What kind of sick prank were they going to pull on me now.</p><p> </p><p>“Well Rey, I didn’t know someone like you knew how to put effort into their outfits, it kinda suits you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mm hmm. I have somewhere to be after school.” I responded dryly.</p><p> </p><p>“And you know, I’d be lying if I said you weren’t kinda hot in that outfit.”</p><p> </p><p>Liar.</p><p> </p><p>He was trying to get something out of me.</p><p> </p><p>I was almost tempted to pull out my gun and shoot him.</p><p> </p><p>“Say Rey, you wanna grab a coke with me later? After your done with your... thing you gotta do later.”</p><p> </p><p>Shit, my eye started watering. Some of the black eyeshadow I wiped of got into it. I had to get to the bathroom to clean it.</p><p> </p><p>As I got up and started walking away, Dameron caught me my my arm.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey what the hell are you-”</p><p> </p><p>“Jesus Rey, eat much?”</p><p> </p><p>I watched him retract his hand in disgust, as he was surprised by how small my arm was getting. Asshole. I simply said nothing and began walking again.</p><p> </p><p>“I wonder, do you wear that jacket and all your other baggy clothes because you’re... insecure?” His malevolent tone was back again, and I became more frightful by the second.</p><p> </p><p>I wrapped my arms around myself to secure my jacket in place. Not only would I be extremely embarrassed by Dameron and the rest of the class seeing my disgusting body, but I also had a gun in my jacket.</p><p> </p><p>A moment of silence settled between me and him, and that should have been my chance to run, but I was frozen in place, scared he might tackle my frail body. Then without warning, he lunged forwards and yanked the jacket from my arms. I was more concerned about the gun than anything, and as I started to reach for it back, my insecurities took over once again and I hugged my arms, hiding the disgusting outlines of bone where their shouldn’t be any. I also had the bruises on my arms I was trying to cover up.</p><p> </p><p>Please don’t find my gun. I was looking up at Dameron again, my face was probably red but I didn’t care. My heart dropped when I saw him feel something hard in my jacket.</p><p> </p><p>Oh no. Oh god please no.</p><p> </p><p>I watched his eyes widen when he saw what it was and before I could jump at him to snatch it, Professor Ren came through the door.</p><p> </p><p>“What the hell is going on in here”</p><p> </p><p>Dameron has the gun still covered in my jacket, and I was forever grateful he didn’t yank it out and threaten me. But I was also stunned by the look he had on his face. He looked, scared? Maybe throughly surprised was a better way to describe it, but he looked as if he had just realized something important.</p><p> </p><p>Dameron stuffed up the jacket and handed it to me with out saying as word. I watched him sit back down, face still looking traumatized by the gun. What the hell was his deal. I threw my jacket back on, and I was so intrigued by Dameron I didn’t even realize Professor Ren was examining my arms. Shit, he didn’t see the bruises did he?</p><p> </p><p>“Thankyou, Professor.” I said awkwardly and sat back down in my seat.</p><p> </p><p>Professor Ren sort of stood there in front of us, with a frustrated face.</p><p> </p><p>“Dameron”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes sir?” His tone was small, and lacked that familiar rich boy confidence. He must have really been shooken up.</p><p> </p><p>“Detention.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes sir.”</p><p> </p><p>His girl friends were all staring at him with the same weird face I was.</p><p> </p><p>That was...weird.</p><p> </p><p>But as long as he didn’t say shit about my gun, I really didn’t care.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>I finally had some time to clean up my face in between class change and lunch but I didn’t have much time, so I had to hurry up and head out to the parking lot to greet Ben.</p><p> </p><p>I took a small check over my appearance before I went out. I looked alright, my jacket was a bit wrinkled and stretched from Dameron, but other than that, I looked alright. I got rid of the black eye shadow under my eyes, and maybe it was best, considering Ben would probably take me to some deli. Now I just looked like your typical 80s kid.</p><p> </p><p>As I walked out the door of the girls restroom, a hand yanked me from behind and grabbed my mouth.</p><p> </p><p>Instinctively I pulled out my gun and shoved into the figures chest.</p><p> </p><p>“Ow dammit!” I retracted when I realized it was Dameron.</p><p> </p><p>“What the hell? What were you doing?”</p><p> </p><p>“Calm down... and put that gun away...” his face was a bit more crazed than usual, like he was being very serious.</p><p> </p><p>“I was... look- I just wanna know what the hell you have that gun for. I know you’ve always been a loner, but I didn’t think you were the type to...”</p><p> </p><p>“You dumbass, I’m not a damn school shooter.” I wacked the gun to his side and watched him wince in pain.</p><p> </p><p>We were lucky we’re alone. I was actually quite glad he confronted me about it instead of snitching on me.</p><p> </p><p>“Then, why do you have a gun, Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>He was actually scared. Poe Dameron. Worried about me.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s none of your concern”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes it is.”</p><p> </p><p>“No it’s not.” I started to walk away. I was going to be late.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, if you have a gun, we are all in danger, so I think I have every right to consider it my business.”</p><p> </p><p>I looked back at him. Something inside of me wanted to tell him, but I refused it.</p><p> </p><p>“I wouldn’t shoot people, I’m protecting myself.”</p><p> </p><p>“What kind of danger... would you need a gun to protect yourself from...”</p><p> </p><p>He was on to me.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey this is serious shit, what is happening to you that you need a gun... to protect your self from...”</p><p> </p><p>I stayed silent. I didn’t have a straight forward answer.</p><p> </p><p>“You wouldn’t understand it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, you think I’m fucking playing- I’m not. When I saw that gun, I realized you weren’t just some nobody. No normal person just carries a gun around for fun or for regular protection. You need to open up to me, because this is on another level.”</p><p> </p><p>“How could I even begin to open up to you, when all you’ve done is taunted me throughout elementary, middle school, and now all 3 and a half years of high school.”</p><p> </p><p>“Because, I thought you were nothing. I thought you were nobody.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm. Funny.” I walked away, I didn’t have time for this shit.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, what’s wrong, we can go to the police and get this sorted out, you don’t need a gun”</p><p> </p><p>“Shut the fuck up, Dameron.” I was walking back to him.</p><p> </p><p>I pushed him up against the hallway wall, and shoved my gun into his chest again.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t you ever begin to comprehend the shit I’m in. I can’t go to the police, because these people are the police. Don’t get yourself involved with me, you’ll only end up endangering yourself. If your only worried about the safety of you and this school, I can guarantee you, you people are safe. Just stay away from me, and all of you will go to college and live out your lives as normal. Just... don’t talk or mess with me anymore, and you’ll be fine. I’ll be gone before you know it.”</p><p> </p><p>He stayed silent, taking in all the shit I said. I’ve already said way to much anyway, I had to get out of here.</p><p> </p><p>“Gone...? What do you mean by... you’ll be gone”</p><p> </p><p>“Forget this conversation Dameron. You and I are still school enemies. You are the bully, I am the loner. We never had a real talk. You got that?”</p><p> </p><p>“...sure. But please answer my question, and I promise I’ll forget this ever happened.”</p><p> </p><p>I hope... I pray that Dameron is a man of his word.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll be on the run from the same danger you’d be getting your self into if you keep continuing this conversation with me.”</p><p> </p><p>I shoved the gun back in my jacket.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks for your concern, but nobody can do anything for me. Just forget about this and you’ll be ok.”</p><p> </p><p>And I was off sprinting towards the parking lot.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“So, you like the food here?” I watched Ben ask as he took a bite of his salad he got.</p><p> </p><p>“Mmm, yeah, actually a little over board” I said, enjoying the amazing taste of burger.</p><p> </p><p>“You shoulda ordered something better than a burger.”</p><p> </p><p>“What? How could anything top this off?”</p><p> </p><p>“Rey have you never had a burger before?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nope.”</p><p> </p><p>I said my responses with sarcasm but I could tell the faint dissatisfaction radiating from Ben.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you Ben, I’m glad for the food. I’ve just never had it so sorry if I come off as weird.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s good.” I watched a smile form across his face.</p><p> </p><p>He looked almost humored.</p><p> </p><p>“What”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s nothing”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” I asked, a smile starting to spread across my face as well.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s really nothing. I just found it kinda funny when you said my name like that.”</p><p> </p><p>“What, did I pronounce it wrong or something? How can you pronounce Ben wrong...”</p><p> </p><p>“No, no- it’s just, it’s been awhile since I’ve heard it been used in a casual manner.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I’m sorry, I can revert back to Professor Ren if you like”</p><p> </p><p>“nah it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I actually kind of like it coming from you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Really?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. I like how I’m not addressed by Professor Ren anymore.”</p><p> </p><p>“I guess that can get pretty annoying.”</p><p> </p><p>I watched Professor Ren’s face change from expression to expression. It looked like there was a hint of sadness or concern along with it.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you ok? You look a little down.”</p><p> </p><p>He glanced back to me, staying silent for a moment. I never knew how anxious he could make me under his stare. His eyes were like black wholes, sucking people in.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, where did those bruises come from”</p><p> </p><p>Dammit. He saw. Fuck, what was I gonna say?</p><p> </p><p>“I u-um, well, I slipped in my shower yesterday, and my skin is really thin and it bruises easily” fuck Rey, you’re not making it any better.</p><p> </p><p>“Did someone hurt you?” He said silently, completely seeing through my lies.</p><p> </p><p>“No! No, nothing like tha-”</p><p> </p><p>As I reached forward to ensure my disagreement, my arm accidentally knocked over my glass, it falling and shattering against my leg. My surprise quickly turned into regret as I watched the shards slice my tights open, exposing my bruises and cuts, and adding more to the bunch.</p><p> </p><p>How shit of luck did I have today.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my god Rey, you’re bleeding!”</p><p> </p><p>I watched Ben immediately bend own with a napkin to wipe up the blood. I watched eyes turnto us in the restaurant and my face turned red. I zipped back to Ben, and immediately pulled away when I saw he was beginning to notice the older cuts and bruises.</p><p> </p><p>“Um, I-I can clean it myself, I know how” I said, flashing him a quick smile and running to the bathroom.</p><p> </p><p>Jesus, what the hell is wrong with me...</p><p> </p><p>Once I made my way to the back and entered the bathroom, I grabbed a few paper towels to clean up the bloody mess. Why was I always getting exposed and hurt in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>The soft sound of rain, pattered on the roof above me, I managed to bring m heart to a normal beat and silence my thoughts for a few seconds despite the pain I was feeling.</p><p> </p><p>A soft knock against the door behind me caused me to jump.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey? Are you ok?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, fine. Just cleaning up.”</p><p> </p><p>I washed the last bit of blood from my leg and dried it with a paper towel.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you need a bandage?”</p><p> </p><p>I needed one, and it would cover up my previous cuts.</p><p> </p><p>“...yeah”</p><p> </p><p>I stuck my head out of the bathroom door and was greeted with a very sad and worried face. Watching him was starting to make me sad.</p><p> </p><p>“I got it from the med-kit here.” He handed me the box and I shut the door.</p><p> </p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p> </p><p>There was an awkward moment of silence between us as I rapped up my leg.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey... did you fall somewhere?”</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve got bruises all over your arms and legs...”</p><p> </p><p>My hands that were once rapping the fabric around my leg, came to a stop. I pulled up my jacket sleeve. The bruises were starting to turn into a nasty blueish yellow color now. I pressed my finger against the fragile skin and winced immediately after. These couldn’t be from any sort of fall. Memories of terror flashed back into my mind from a few nights ago, and the pain and embarrassment of his harassment throbbed beneath the skin that he touched.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine, really. I just...” I couldn’t keep lying to Ben like this, he was the only one who ever made me happy. “It’s complicated.”</p><p> </p><p>I instantly regretted saying that. Even the slightest slip up could lead to disaster.</p><p> </p><p>“Apparently so, but I can handle complicated.”</p><p> </p><p>Was he really going to insist?</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, I may not be too close to you, but I feel like you and I have a friendship- or at least mutual relationship deep enough that I should give at least some concern to giant bruises on your leg.”</p><p> </p><p>Mutual relationship? Ben was becoming my everything. It was more than a friendship could ever be. He gave me emotion.</p><p> </p><p>“So just, tell me, tell me your issues and I will do my best to help, because despite what you may think of me, I care for you very much.”</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe I can’t handle how complicated it is Ben...” I felt hurt when the words left met mouth, but even through it was a way to postpone his worries, it was true. I could hardly grasp where my life is heading right now.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t respond, and I wanted to believe that he was on the other side of that door, wishing he could say something back, but I didn’t know anything, because I couldn’t read Ben at all.</p><p> </p><p>“Lets get you home. You can’t go to school in that condition.” I heard his voice finally speak from the other side.</p><p> </p><p>I finished rapping my leg, and I wiped a tear away that I didn’t even know had fallen.</p><p> </p><p>“Just bring me to work. I can’t afford to skip.”</p><p> </p><p>“What about-”</p><p> </p><p>“Please don’t ask questions. I have to work one way or another.”</p><p> </p><p>An unfamiliar pain struck my heart and I soon felt powerless leaned up against he bathroom door.</p><p> </p><p>We left the place, Ben paid, and he dropped me off at the coffee shop. We didn’t speak one word that entire trip. His eyes didn’t even drift to me once. I spent around 9 more hours serving cleaning and cooking, getting in extra work as I opened the shop earlier today. I don’t hate serving or cooking or even cleaning, but there is a certain point where it becomes painful. Like reading a book- it doesn’t hurt you and you don’t mind it, but if you were forced to read 1000 books, then it would really hurt. Your head would be hurting with an unimaginable pain. That’s how I feel with my work. And unfortunately, with Ben and I on bad terms, my tolerance for work was shortened.</p><p> </p><p>I wish that I could express my gratitude towards Ben before I have to leave.</p><p> </p><p>But with my time here coming to an end fast, I don’t think I’ll have time to even say goodbye.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. My Pathetic Confession</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry if there’s a few spelling errors here and there, I didn’t have much time to check over it, hope you enjoy🥰</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Ben</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>My body felt light, almost weightless amongst the paradise world I found myself in. The air was warm, and smelled of pure earth, flowers and all naturally beautiful scents mixed in with it. The sky that laid above me, was a soft pastel pink abyss painted with perfectly placed pastel blue clouds. The reality was unimaginable.</p><p> </p><p>And I, I was sitting in the soft grass of an endless field. The soft breeze along with a few long strands of grass brushed across my face. But I wasn’t alone. Another being existed in this reality with me.</p><p> </p><p>I looked behind me, head whipping around to greet her beautiful presence. Rey.</p><p> </p><p>Rey was dressed in a beautiful flower dress, it flowing gracefully in the wind. He hair was completely down, and her face rested in a soft smile towards me. Just the two of use in this endless, timeless, frictionless field of beauty. I gave her a smile back, and stood up to take her into my embrace. As I slid my arms around her, I felt her warmth and power. Such a perfect being, existing in the same realm as me.</p><p> </p><p>“Look at that” I said softly, pointing to a red cardinal flying by.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s beautiful” she said in response, memorized by the bird’s effortless movement.</p><p> </p><p>“How do you know it’s a he?” I smiled against her.</p><p> </p><p>She pulled away from me a few inches and looked at me with an innocent concern.</p><p> </p><p>“Didn’t you know that red cardinals are males, and the more brownish ones are females?” She stared off back into the beautiful pink sky. “The males are so pretty because it’s how they attract the females.” Her smile filled me up with joy.</p><p> </p><p>“Kind of different from our society, actually, the opposite,” My words were soft spoken, but I knew they traveled to her.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t think I’ll ever shine as brightly as that red cardinal though.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey pulled her head away from me once again.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t say that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Say what?”</p><p> </p><p>“Ben I think you shine the most beautiful shade of red I’ve ever seen.”</p><p> </p><p>My mind was stopped, absolutely stunned by her words. All I could do was stand stiff as she leaned back into me. red. She thought I shined red.</p><p> </p><p>It filled me with joy, a joy unfamiliar to me, but nevertheless, it was unfathomably happy.</p><p> </p><p>“You think I shine red huh” I said with a smile. </p><p> </p><p>“So much red” she responded softly.</p><p> </p><p>“I think you shine more red than anything Re-”</p><p> </p><p>“So much... red”</p><p> </p><p>I pulled away from her in horror.</p><p> </p><p>The goddess that once laid peacefully within my embrace, was now covered in her own blood. Cuts and bruises covered her arms and skin, and she became more fragile and skinny each second that passed. Her face became whiter and paler and eventually, Rey, the most beautiful light I’d ever been given, withered away in the soft benign breeze.</p><p> </p><p>Gone. Just like that.</p><p> </p><p>Water droplets began to fall from the sky and land on my face. The temperature became colder and the sky turned to a plain grey.</p><p> </p><p>My beauty, my love, my life, was gone.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>My upper body flew up in a gasp as my hand clutched my shirt above my heart. I was so confused that I was in a bed and not a field.</p><p> </p><p>I was dreaming.</p><p> </p><p>Dreaming a nightmare.</p><p> </p><p>The memories soon began to fade away within the next few seconds, but I tried to save the ones with immeasurable beauty. Unfortunately, what I got was the part where Rey told me I shined a beautiful Red- I don’t know what that could have been relevant too- and I was filled with such a happiness unknown to man, and then Rey</p><p> </p><p>Oh</p><p> </p><p>The memories flooded in, tearing apart my emotions and thoughts. The scenery of Rey dying in such a serenity atmosphere caused water to over flow in my eyes.</p><p> </p><p>I watched as tiny water droplet stains formed on the sheets in front of me.</p><p> </p><p>I hadn’t talked to Rey in about 2 weeks and a half, yet I’d been dreaming wild dreams about her the whole time. Each time being in different scenarios. I remember one where we were neighbors, and even one when we were in a time period long ago in another galaxy.</p><p> </p><p>They felt like movies.</p><p> </p><p>But none of it was really real. Just my mind playing tricks on me, like withdraw.</p><p> </p><p>Rey has become more distant each day. She quit talking to her friends, she’s basically eliminated all contact with people, and even dameron seems to stay away from her now. It also showed in her grades as well, she was definitely preoccupied with something much bigger than school work. Thankfully, when ever I had the chance to catch a glimpse of her arms and legs, the bruises and cuts were healing, and the only scar that remained was the one engraved in he face. One that would probably be there for the rest of her life.</p><p> </p><p>Her life.</p><p> </p><p>If she was going to get one.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Although contact between me and Rey seems to have ceased to exist, theories selfishly brewed in my mind, wondering what could possibly be going on in her life that would make her become so quiet and isolated. My final prediction wasn’t really complete yet, but I was striating to see a connection between Plutt and Rey, and how both of them are lying about who they are. Plutt doesn’t own a lawnmower business. It didn’t take me a while to figure that out, but it only made me wonder what kind of dangerous business would put Rey in such a threatened position. It was either Rey had a bad connection to Plutt’s job, or Rey was being abused by Plutt.</p><p> </p><p>While both seemed applicable at first, I sooner realized that both had flaws and neither of them I could say for sure totally worked out. Why would Plutt all the sudden start abusing his foster child out of nowhere unless he had some kind of stress out in him, which I doubt ever happened considering the man is a pro at projecting his thoughts. And his whole business thing didn’t seem to make sense because the spectrum for all the work he might be involved in his way to large to make assumptions.</p><p> </p><p>So I’m stuck.</p><p> </p><p>Not only in the fact that I can’t help Rey, but she won’t let me help her, and that’s taking a toll on me. My only friend- happiness, stripped away from me just like that. She doesn’t even seemed to be to sad or affected by it either, all Rey ever does in class is sit with anticipation and nervousness.</p><p> </p><p>Rose and Finn have tried to talk to her and invite her out, but nothing works, the only response they get is some half assed small talk. She clearly doesn’t want to associate with them anymore.</p><p> </p><p>Well- she may not wish for that to happen, but it is the way it is and she can’t do anything about it.</p><p> </p><p>I was going to find out that reason no matter what.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p>.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The day flew by before I found even catch it to try and get my goals done. Today was the same as yesterday day or Friday. The same, regular, boring, irritating school day. To make it worse, Rey looked more distraught each class, and seeing her face, feeling helpless, was not something I liked.</p><p> </p><p>And then, just as I walked out of the building, I caught Rey, skipping 4th period to smoke.</p><p> </p><p>I thought she’d given up those things.</p><p> </p><p>Unconsciously, my body instantly started walking towards her.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, thought you gave up smoking?” I said with a welcoming and friendly tone.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, hey...uhm... Professor Ren.” Her voice sounded tired but clear, as if she was over stressing her body to the max but her mind was able to keep up wit what ever she through at it.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I just got these from a friend.” She was talking small, almost in shame of me finding out she ditched 4th block to smoke because she’s supposedly the “perfect kid”.</p><p> </p><p>“You know, I really don’t blame you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Huh” her lazy eyes turned towards him and he had a hard time resisting the urge to ask when her last nap was.</p><p> </p><p>“Well I would skip 4th period too I’d I had Hux.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hux is an asshole” they both said, unintentionally synchronized.</p><p> </p><p>Then, for the first time in weeks, Rey let out a small giggle. The happiness I felt for her was indescribable. And although I wouldn’t admit it, the selfish thoughts of her happiness automatically triggering happiness for myself laid prominent in the back of my head as well.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, I’ve been meaning to ask you, are you alright? You seem very... distant in class.”</p><p> </p><p>She was silent. I’m pretty sure she understood perfectly what I meant, she just refused to answer it because she knew I was on to something.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, you know I’m always gonna be here for you, I’ve really only known you for a month and a few days, but that doesn’t degrade my confidence in myself that I would help you out with what ever you need Rey, I’m here.”</p><p> </p><p>My eyes widened in surprise of the look she turned to me with. She looked almost... like she was pitying me. Her unexpectedly soft features told me that what I said was a mistake. Huge mistake.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben, I’m going to tell you the same thing I told Dameron.”</p><p> </p><p>Her and Dameron talked?</p><p> </p><p>What the hell is going on...</p><p> </p><p>“I’m so glad that for once in my life, I’ve met someone that makes me feel like a normal human being again. And that’s you. But unfortunately, something is happening to me that I can’t stop. But I can’t just sit around and wait for my en- for it to come, I have to do all I can to prevent any extra danger from others. So Ben please, just stay away form me and you will be safe. Just, don’t talk to me anymore, and you’ll forget all about me. You’ve been a really pleasure to have in my life, and you’ve given me a lot of new experiences that I will never forget, but I can’t risk you as a person. I’m inevitable, you’re not.”</p><p> </p><p>It took me hardly any time to understand her words, and even less to from a response ok how everything she said was unfathomably wrong and that I wouldn’t ever leave her.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, I don’t think you understand how much you mean to me. You’re like, I don’t know, your more than a best friend. I- it’s just hard to describe. I’ve had problems my whole life, and you being here had helped solve them. You are the first person I’ve met who was able to even help me with these problems. So when you say to forget about you, I just can’t do that Rey, you’ve got to open up to me.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey stayed silent now, her cigarette bud fading out with the winter wind.</p><p> </p><p>“I feel the same way.” She said silently under her breath.</p><p> </p><p>I didn’t exactly know how to reply to her. Everything we’ve been through came crashing down on me all at once. There was no way she could just drop it just like that.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you going to leave me? Are you going to leave your friends?”</p><p> </p><p>“If it comes to that. In which it will, but it’s better that I try and break my attachment to you all now before it becomes to strong to let go. I never had to worry about that until now”</p><p> </p><p>“What danger are you in, that’s so great, that you could just leave me”</p><p> </p><p>My mouth moved without consent, as my self control was lost in the abyss of my desperation.</p><p> </p><p>“If I told you, I’m afraid you would try and join me, in which you just aren’t— you just can’t. It’s as simple as that. I don’t want you to get killed.”</p><p> </p><p>“Killed” I said immediately following her words.</p><p> </p><p>“What— your saying you are endangering your life?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey looked at me with sympathy. Her eyes became glassy, and for once, I noticed how dangerously similar she looked to the final image of her in my dream. Her face was caving in, looking thinner in places where it should be thicker. Her hair was a mess, crazed in a way that looks almost like she did it on purpose for style, but the bags underneath her eyes said otherwise.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, as if you aren’t already distorting yourself, how can you just go and say I might die from the shit your in? You realize that now I’ve got to protect you, I couldn’t- I wouldn’t be able to handle it if you just died. Knowing that you left and are safe is ok, but knowing that you left and then died isn’t ok. I just won’t allow it.” I felt my voice waver at the end of my words, and I hoped that no one was around us then.</p><p> </p><p>“It can’t be helped. What we’re— what I’m up against is bigger than” she looked up at the sky to keep the tears from falling. “It’s bigger than what you could ever imagine.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ok but there’s always some way—”</p><p> </p><p>“No. There isn’t.” The tears finally fell from her eyes and mine.</p><p> </p><p>I grabbed Rey’s hand and pulled her into an embrace. I wasn’t sure why I did it, or if she was even comfortable with me holding her so close to me, but I felt like it was all I could do. I felt helpless. The way she looked at the sky like a prisoner, and the way that she looked at me with such sadness. I could tell she didn’t want to leave. Maybe the only clear reading I’ve had of her so far, but it was enough to make me want to hold on to her no matter what.</p><p> </p><p>“You may not know a way Rey. But you know what?” I tightened my embrace just a tad to signify how much I really needed her to stay. “We will find it together. You make me whole, and I’ll be damned if someone or something has provoked you enough to leave me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you Ben. Thank you so, so much. You make me whole too. It’s like—I don’t know, it’s like we can’t separate no matter what. I just, I don’t know what to do, everything has been so much, all the extra hours and extra work at the coffee shop plus...” sh trailed off, obviously not wanting to really tell me about the giant obstacle.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, it’s ok, you can tell me...”</p><p> </p><p>She pulled away from me, like she did in my dream. But unlike that paradise world, Rey was depressed and tired.</p><p> </p><p>“Not here.”</p><p> </p><p>“Then where—”</p><p> </p><p>“Not. Here.”</p><p> </p><p>It then occurred to me that her eyes were focused on something else, something in the distance behind me. The faintest hint of instant regret appeared on her face as her eyes widened slightly with fear. I wanted to turn around to see what she was staring at.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey what are you—”</p><p> </p><p>“Shh”</p><p> </p><p>I became slightly irritated with her sudden shushing and decided I would investigate for my self. But just as I began to turn my head, Rey’s cold hands grabbed my face and pulled it close to hers, almost as if we were about to... kiss? My face instantly heated up at the thought as I stared into Rey’s frightened eyes. What was she doing? I really couldn’t think about if that much. My eyes unconsciously wondered around her face, studying her features. Her eyes were a beautiful light brown color with a hint of green in the middle, and her face had a beautiful complexion, even in severely unhealthy conditions. My eyes dropped to her lips and hanged there for longer than intended. He lips were such a bright red, partially from the cold and partially from the way she bits her lip when she’s frustrated. For a second, I had the urge to tough them— feel them, but the urge was gone as soon as I began to question my sanity. Her face was so close to mine, one inch closer and—</p><p> </p><p>She let my face go, and retracted from me.</p><p> </p><p>“What was that about?” I said, parable covering my flustered face with my hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, I just had to make it look like we were... you know...um”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh.” It didn’t help my burning face at all. Why was I so worked up about it.</p><p> </p><p>“I had to make it look like you weren’t suspicious. I have eyes on me.”</p><p> </p><p>“You have people stalking you?!” I said louder than I wanted to.</p><p> </p><p>“Shh! Don’t, say shit so loudly. I had to make it look like you were my boyfriend.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry. But, I don’t really look like your average high schooler... I’m a bit old for that...”</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t worry about it Ben, you pass, you’re just the dark rich kid type. Although I don’t see many richies wearing straight up dark formal outfits to school, you can be the principals son or some shit like that.”</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve been watching to many cliché high school movies. No principal is actually married. Literally none of them have family, especially the one here.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t watch movies you moron, and plus, it’s not like their gonna check into your background, they’re only after me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Well they might, considering I just told you I’m not letting you go.”</p><p> </p><p>“They won’t even have time to check.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“Ben, there’s a reason why it’s a huge risk to get yourselves involved with me. If your that desperate, there’s only two options for what’s next. You die, or you have to...”</p><p> </p><p>“Have to what”</p><p> </p><p>I watched intently as her face dropped to a remorseful position.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben, I’m going to have to run far away from here. If you want to truly involve me, you are going to have to run to. I’ve been on the very tip of making a run for it and bolting out of this town, and I’m always on the edge of my seat, trying to anticipate what’s going to happen and when it’s going to happen. And I know you might flip your shit over this but—”</p><p> </p><p>I watched as her hand reached behind her back to pull out an object as her eyes scanned around us to make sure there was no body here but us. My eyes widened.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey that’s a gun—”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, and unfortunately, I have to keep it with me. I can’t go to the police or anyone who’s allowed to have a gun. So I have to handle my protection myself.”</p><p> </p><p>A part of me wanted to give her a lecture about how at any day now, she could snap with the tired state and stress that was out on her mind, causing her to act out of insanity and shoot up the school. But then, I had that overwhelming authority part of me that told me that Rey would never do that, even if she snapped. Rey was to kind of a soul to shoot people without rhyme or reason. But nonetheless, it was a danger to even have a gun even if no harm was intended with it.</p><p> </p><p>“Where did you get if from?”</p><p> </p><p>“It was a gift from Plutt when I was five.”</p><p> </p><p>My mind told me that I should have been sad by her words, but deep down, I knew that Rey didn’t need my pity.</p><p> </p><p>“What do I have to do.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“You said I would have to run away with you if I wanted to get involved, so, what do I have to do?”</p><p> </p><p>“What? No! You still seriously cant be serious. You can’t just throw away your teaching career like that. Ben, you have a life ahead of you, you have a future! I don’t, and you’ve got to realize that.”</p><p> </p><p>“Rey I don’t think you get it.”</p><p> </p><p>I felt an annoying bubble of irritation build up in my throat. Why couldn’t she just understand that she is my future, she is my life—</p><p> </p><p>The realization came crashing down on me of how much I really wanted Rey, she made me feel things that I’ve never felt before, and I don’t think she’d get that. She’s not an empath. She probably doesn’t even feel the same way as you. She doesn’t even need you. She thinks your weird for holding on to her so desperately.</p><p> </p><p>“Get what?”</p><p> </p><p>Why didn’t I see it sooner, she is just a normal high school girl, and I saw her and thought she was special. I sound like a predator. She’s of age but I’m still her teacher, how could I just engage so freely with a student. She thought i was weird all along. And now she was going to leave me. I tricked myself into believing I had a chance of friendship with her, she never viewed me anything more than her teacher, and I’m already diving way to deep. I’m making her feel uncomfortable.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben, are you ok...?”</p><p> </p><p>And then a new emotion I’d never felt before settled in on me. Insecurity.</p><p> </p><p>“I— I’m fine. I just, I need some time to think.”</p><p> </p><p>When I met Rey’s face again, I looked away in shame, she thought I was awful. How did I not see if coming. She just wants me to leave here alone.</p><p> </p><p>“Will you be at the coffee shop today?” She said, probably trying to make me feel better.</p><p> </p><p>“No, I feel sort of sick, that’s all. I’ll just go home and rest.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, ok... make sure you take care of yourself...”</p><p> </p><p>I couldn’t see her face, but as I walked to the parking lot I felt a pang of guilt spark with my crippling self consciousness.</p><p> </p><p>I suppose all good things have a price. No wonder why some people are so miserable and others are not. Some choirs to let the bad and darkness take them over, and others choose to be optimistic, and look only for contentment and happiness.</p><p> </p><p>I would try to be optimistic during this time, but I just walked away form my only happiness.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>C o n g r a d u l a t i o n s</p><p>You have read through all 3300 words. You are now more educated in the English arts than before and you have expanded your vocabulary of the English language. Major props to you, my good sirs. 😌</p></blockquote></div></div>
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